


We Fell Through The Ice (when we tried to say it)

by itjustsortahappened



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fratboy Niall, M/M, Punk Louis, Rich kid Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:36:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itjustsortahappened/pseuds/itjustsortahappened
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Louis</b> likes tea, tattoos and music, he's content in his own little shop, that is until there's <b>Harry</b> who feels like he's trapped in the footsteps of his father, taking over the business and working is really all <b>Liam</b> ever does, he likes things planned out and organized, he's got his girlfriend and his flat and everything is pretty good for <b>Zayn</b>, who mostly likes girls, writing, and sleeping but then there's just something about <b>Niall</b>, who somehow binds them all together.<br/>He's the kid who wears loose tank tops and snapbacks and seems to remember everyone even though he's surrounded by so many people, all of them craving his attention. He'll never be tied down by one person though, he's defiantly not that guy. </p><p><b> or</b> <i> Niall and Zayn are fratboys, Liam is a TA, Louis is a tattooed punk-rocker who owns a music shop and Harry is the son of a millionaire.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Zayn

 

It was a little too hot for the hoodie he was wearing, really, but it looked good and it went well with the black beanie on his head, kept him from having to do his hair. He'd made sure that little strands of pitch black still stuck out when he was stood in front of the mirror a couple of hours earlier, though, giving it that messy I-really-didn't-try – look. Throw on a pair of loose jeans and high-tops and he'd been good to go.

Most people would probably describe him as a little moody and mysterious, maybe even shy and not that confident and they were right to a certain extent – his mood wasn't always the best and he didn't speak all that much but it had nothing to do with confidence, other people just spoke louder and he was quite content observing, taking in the scene, saving it in the back of his mind for his writing or drawing later.  

He knew he looked good, though, he wasn't blind to the looks he got in the corridors and he wasn't deaf to the way people whispered behind his back, giggled and sometimes even whistled. He just didn't feel the need to be the center of attention because of it.

His focus now was on the lyrics scribbled down on the paper in his lap but he kept getting interrupted by the girls sat on the grass behind the tree he was leaned up against, their laughter a little too loud and he sighed and let his eyes wander, landing on a girl looking a little out of place walking towards them, her posture insecure and the way she was clutching her books to her chest made her look nervous.

"Excuse me?"

She'd reached the group of girls now but not without a lingering look at Zayn and the way he was studying her. He'd given her a small smile and a nod that had made her fidget even more.

"Is this the front entrance? I'm new and I'm supposed to meet this guy who's gonna show me around in a couple of minutes."

Zayn could almost feel the other girls sizing her up and he had to fight the urge to turn around and look at them, recognising their voices but he'd never been good with names.

"Who are you meeting? And yeah, this is the main entrance."

The new girl seemed to shuffle some papers around before she replied;

"Neil, I think. Although it's spelt funny…"

"Let me look at that!"

The urgency in the girl's _(Kirsten, maybe, he thought)_ voice was almost comical and her giggle when she'd gotten the piece of paper was full of excitement.

"That's not Neil, it's Niall! You're so lucky!"

"Oh," the new girl sounded a little relieved, "you know him? Is he nice?"  

Now they all spoke at once, it was almost hard to tell one girl from the other.

"He's lovely, helped me study. I swear I never would have passed my last exam if it wasn't for him!"

"He helped me paint my entire room a month ago, so sweet!"

"He hangs around with this other really hot guy, Zayn, quiet, but so hot!"

"When I went down to the local pub a while ago he was there playing, and he dedicated a song to me!"

"Why is it that hot guys always come in pairs?"

"I heard he's gay though."

"He's defiantly not gay! Who the hell told you that?"

"No, he went out with my friend for a while, lives in my hall, brought her flowers and everything!"

"God… I had to put headphones in to drown out the sounds she was making… gross!"

"He went out with my mate Jared for a while, as well. They were so hot together!"

"It's the accent that does it or me… he's Irish."

"… so hot!"

"So…" the new girl cleared her throat, "he's a hot guy that’s Irish and sleeps around?"

"It's nothing like that!" one of the girls spoke up, her voice was urgent and she sounded almost offended, "he would never just sleep with you and then leave, he cares about so many people…"

Zayn sympathised with her, it was hard to explain how screwing around didn't make Niall a bad person, he didn't do it in _that_ way, he'd never just use someone as a good fuck, that didn't even seem to exist in his world, he made you feel special in ways most people couldn't, it was just that many of those ways led to sex, and Zayn wasn't even entirely sure that the blonde boy was aware of the effect he had on people.

"You have to meet him to understand," the girl continued and then they were back to giggling about how "seriously hot" he was and how his accent was "just so lovely."  

They all laughed again as Zayn's focus landed on the boy walking towards him and he had to agree with them; he wasn't a bad-looking bloke. He was dressed in one of those loose tank tops _(white suits him, Zayn thought)_ that barely even covered any skin and a pair of baggy jeans, high tops and a green cap turned back to front, same green color as the bag that was flung over one shoulder, headphones around his neck and he stopped once on the way to give some guy a hug and a "I'll call you later, bud," before his eyes came to rest on Zayn and the smile spreading over his whole face was so warm Zayn almost felt the need to take his hoodie off.

"Hey, buddy!"

Niall extended his hand to pull him up and in to a hug and a quick peck on his cheek before he held him at arms lengths, studying him, "You know it is summer, right? How are you not melting away wearing that?"

Zayn shrugged and smiled as he in turn eyed Niall, "You know they actually make clothes that fit you, right?"

The booming laugh that erupted from the blonde boy was so contagious that Zayn couldn't help but join in before bending down to pick up his own bag, shoving the papers in there and closing it.

"Writing again, eh? Are you getting anywhere with that song that you told me about?"   

That was the thing about Niall, when you spoke he really listened, when he looked at you he really saw you. 

If you told him that you'd been struggling to keep up in class he would make the time to help, if your room needed painting he'd show up with a bucked of paint, a smile and some brushes. If you were the shy kid in the back he'd make damn sure he was sat next to you to talk and make you feel like you were really there, like you were part of it, too.

Zayn had lost count on how many kids he'd turned from awkwardly shy to quietly confident in the space of a week, making sure they'd fit in, finding them the right group of friends.

"You there, mate?"

Niall's fingers snapped in front of his face and he shook his head and focused, smiled and shrugged.

"Haven't really gotten anywhere with it yet, no. I'll write some more later, though." 

"Oh, alright, well let me know and I'll play it with you! Right… I have to find this girl I'm meant to show around."  

"She's right there, mate."  

He nodded towards the group of girls and let Niall drag him forwards to them, their nervous gaze landing on Zayn and he smiled at them as they seemed to all be realizing at the same time that he'd been sat so close, hearing all they'd said.

"Bree, you look lovely today, you changed your hair, yeah?" Niall's voice was soft and honest as he leaned forward and kissed one of the girls on the cheek before moving on to the next one.

"Krista! _(Krista, Zayn thought, not Kirsten)_ How did that exam go?" He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the cheek and when she nodded and smiled that she passed he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around, making her blush and giggle and when he put her down again he whispered something in her ear that made the color on her cheeks darken even more.

Zayn couldn't help but to noticed the way his muscles had flexed when he'd lifted her, the outline of his arms and the way his top had creased up so he could see just a hint of his abs and a fading lovebite right above his left hipbone. It was summer and the otherwise pale boy was a soft brown and the way it made his skin glisten just about drove everyone a little insane. 

"How about you, love? How's the new boyfriend?"

He was sure that with any other person this would have been incredibly annoying but this was just who Niall was, no one minded when he took the time to greet everyone with a kiss and genuine concern, they were all just watching him, waiting for their turn to be swept up in his warmth, for their moment in the sunshine.

He was up to the new girl now and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before standing back, "I'm Niall, I'll be your guide for now."

"I'm Holly, nice to meet you." 

"Here, let me take those, hun," he grabbed her books off of her and nodded towards the entrance, "let's get going! I'll see you later, bud. Your room for tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah," Zayn turned to walk back to his building, "around ten, see you then."

As he walked off, already getting lost in thought, he heard the girls giggle once more and shook his head, no longer surprised by the effect that Niall had on people, but still very much impressed.

His room was a double and he shared it with a guy who was rarely ever there, which, to be honest, was quite nice. He liked his space.

So when he opened the door to find it empty he threw himself on his bed and hummed contently into the pillow, it had been a long night with too much studying and his brain still felt fuzzy from it, the test this morning taking too much energy. They'd actually gone down to the library last night for this one, to make sure that all they did was study, not entirely trusting themselves when they got in to the late hours and boredom took over.  

Their friendship had started with just studying when Zayn had struggled on one particular paper almost a year ago and ended with hanging out almost every night, something just clicking between them; they fit together nicely. Zayn's calm somehow complementing Niall's constant rush and they'd gotten to the point now where it felt weird to not spend at least a couple of hours a day together, and where people started referring to him as 'they' and he started saying 'we' instead of 'I'.

Some of the times they attempted to study they'd spent in Zayn's room, when his roommate wasn’t there, but more often in Niall's room as he had a single and they wouldn't be disturbed there.

Zayn had been a little confused as to why Niall didn't share with anyone at first as he was such a people-person, but very soon realized by the noises coming from that room that there was a reason for him wanting his privacy, a sometimes very loud reason that had the rest of the people in the corridor reach for their headphones to drown it out.  

The first time something had happened between them Zayn had brought beers and they were both comfortably hazy, having given up the books a long time ago and sprawled out on Niall's bed they'd spent hours talking about the most random things and were in a comfortable silence when the blonde boy had given a displeased noise in the back of his throat.

"I need to get laid, man."

Zayn had almost choked on his beer at the bluntness of the statement, but then shrugged and agreed.  

"I hear you, mate. It's been too long."

That had irked Niall's interest and he had sat up and studied Zayn, one eyebrow raised.

"How long?"

"Are you really asking me that?"

"No, I'm asking Paul over there, my imaginary friend. Yeah, of course I'm asking you, you prude!"

"I don't even know… I don't remember. That’s bad, innit?"

Niall giggled at that and lifted his snapback to pull his fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp in a way that Zayn caught himself thinking that he wouldn't mind trying.

He'd known for a while now that Niall didn't really mind whether you were a boy or a girl, he seemed to see personality rather than the outside and that was something that just added to the reasons why people liked him so much. Zayn thought he himself preferred girls, but he'd had the odd encounter with guys, and they hadn't sucked.

It was different with Niall though, you just couldn't help being attracted to him, it was something in the way he carried himself that was just impossible to resist.  

"So… what's your deal, then? Just women? Or do you not really mind?"

Niall had shuffled a little closer as he spoke and Zayn had felt a surge of butterflies in his stomach as the blonde boy had placed himself right by his waist, throwing his legs over his belly and a hand landing on his thigh, back against the wall. He looked relaxed but with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and the alcohol buzzing through Zayn's blood made it that little bit more exciting. Even the back of Niall's leg touching his hip sent little sparks through his body.

Maybe it was because it had been building up for months, little unnecessary touches, compliments, laughter and just the need to always be around the boy, the air was just electric; comfortable, but electric.    

"Is this your way of coming on to me?"

"Is it working?"

 "Sadly, yes."

"Then yeah, this is my way of coming on to you."

"And this actually works on people?"

Niall's hand had started moving up and down his thigh, nothing too much, it just felt natural and right, fingers kneading into his hips, dancing across his skin.

"You tell me."

Zayn just hummed into the touch and was almost too enthralled by the way Niall's eyes had darkened to even feel or hear anything else.

"I wouldn't want my friend to go so long without that he can't even remember it…"

"That's very kind of you," Zayn's voice had hitched just a little when Niall's fingers had traced over the hem of his boxers peaking up from under his jeans.

"That's just me, innit, I'm just kind… do you mind if I…?"

"Not at all, wouldn't want to make you feel any less kind."

Hands had clumsily gotten the zip undone and he would've cringed at the fact that he was already hard if it wasn't for Niall's silent curse under his breath and the way his fingers had curled around him to just feel his size.

"You've got a really nice cock."

Zayn had managed a strangled chuckle at that with the way Niall's hand was already moving over him, huffed out a slightly sarcastic "thank you, that's a really nice compliment," to which Niall had smiled cheekily and then proceeded to bring his hand up to his mouth to spit in his palm before gripping around him again, this time sliding easily and making Zayn's eyes roll back in pleasure.

He'd gathered himself quick enough though and with Niall's hand still around him he shuffled down the bed, pulling the blonde boy closer so that he could palm him through his sweats before shoving his hands down and gripping him properly.

"Shit," Niall's head had lolled back for a second before he'd gripped Zayn's wrist with his free hand, pulling it up and brought it to his mouth, sucking on his fingers in a way that Zayn thought should be illegal with the way it sent sparks down to his cock, "now keep going," Niall guided his hand back down and swore again when Zayn found his grip and speed, slick with saliva.

It had been a quick handjob and they'd giggled while they cleaned themselves up afterwards, Niall getting two more beers and proceeded to chat like nothing had happened, falling back into the same conversations as before and Zayn was a bit surprised at how normal it'd felt.

He'd known that this meant nothing, or rather; it meant something but it didn't mean that they were together or exclusive. There was just no such thing with Niall, he was just not the kind of guy who would belong to any one person and even though Zayn found it odd, he was completely ok with it.

It didn't happen all the time, only when they were both on a dry-spell and it was never anything more than hands and muffled moans in the quiet of Niall's room, they'd never kissed or really talked about it but for now it was enough, it was just what he needed to sometimes get his mind off of everything else and just feel for a moment.

Although he'd been lying to himself if he didn’t admit that lately it had been a little different, there had been a stronger pull between them and there was no denying that, the need lingering in the air. Maybe it was just because it had been a couple of weeks since the last time or maybe it was because Niall looked really fucking good with a tan.   

When Niall knocked on his door later that night he'd just gotten out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist and hair dripping wet as the door opened  and he was greeted with a "Fuck, you look good! Shit!" before he was manhandled up in a hug and a quick peck on his cheek.

"My roommate will be here in half hour, let's go to yours, yeah?"

"Sure, it's a mess though!"

"Isn't it always?"

"You speak the truth, mate."

Niall's eyes were still shamelessly roaming over his body and it made Zayn squirm a little but the blonde boy didn’t seem to notice, instead he took a couple of steps forward and traced one of the tattoos on Zayn's chest with soft fingers.

"Is this new?"

Zayn shook his head, his skin tingling under the touch and when he looked up at Niall he had his lip between his teeth, his eyes noticeably darker and Zayn once again shook his head.

"Really, Nialler? How are you even looking at me like that? It was Sarah just last week wasn't it?" He nodded towards the fading lovebite that he'd seen earlier, not accusing, merely teasing.

"Well, no offence to Sarah, she's lovely, but she didn't quite look…"

He was interrupted by his phone going off and with his hand still on Zayn's chest, tracing the tattoo, he answered.

"Hello? …Lou, mate! How are you? How's it going with…?"

He took a step back and mouthed for Zayn to get dressed, cheeky smile playing over his lips as he nodded towards the towel, to which Zayn gestured for him to turn around and he huffed out a displeased breath of air and an eye roll before he closed the distance between them again, grabbing at the towel as he spoke.

"See, I told you, buddy! His dad is, like, loaded, there's no way he'll bring you around to a family dinner! They're lovely people but so different, you're gonna have to try hard with this one," he pulled at the material and the towel made a little thumping noise as it fell to the floor, leaving Zayn completely bare and with a raised eyebrow.

"No, he likes you, Lou! He asked about you last time I saw him!"

Niall slowly sunk down on his knees and then hot breaths of air was all over his cock and it was all new for them and made him grab onto the wardrobe and suck in his bottom lip.

"Have you got his number yet, mate, or do you still just talk when he comes to the shop?"

Niall looked up from underneath Zayn with a teasing smile on his lips as he leaned forward and his cheek brushed against the skin just above his hipbone when he reached behind him to pull a pair of boxer briefs out from the bottom drawer, handing them to Zayn and standing back up.

"Well you're just gonna have to ask him, aren't you? Jesus, Lou, you're never shy like this!"

Zayn had to shake his head to snap out of the daze he was in before he could pull his boxers on and he studied Niall as the blonde boy shuffled through his wardrobe and handed him a pair of black sweats, smile never leaving his face, and at that Zayn ran a hand through his wet hair and wiped his now sweaty palms on the material before pulling them on.

"I told you, mate. You just have to take it slow with him," Niall took a few steps toward the door and with a wink he mouthed _"come over when you're ready, love"_ and it was all Zayn could do to not slam him up against the wall.

Once he was alone in the room again he mindlessly stared in the mirror for a moment, trying to catch his breath, to focus. Different. This was defiantly different.

He towel-dried his hair and quickly put some product in it, pulling a hoodie over his head and slipping into a pair of sneakers. One more look in the mirror and he was out, walked across the hallway and tapped on Niall's door before he opened it.

"That was actually pretty quick."

Niall was hunched down picking up books from the floor and turned around as Zayn entered the room and smiled at him, the blonde boy raising an eyebrow as he closed the door behind him.

"Did you even bring anything to study, mate?" 

Zayn didn't need a mirror to know that the grin that spread over his face looked incredibly goofy and he tried to suppress it as fast as he could, running his fingers through his damp hair and watching Niall as he came closer, almost face to face now.

"So eager to see me, eh?"

"How do you even end up with books on the floor?"

Zayn's voice shook a little because Niall was close enough now to touch and he'd reached out to trace his fingers through Zayn's hair, down to his neck, angling his face a little and really looking at him, every touch sending sparks through him.

"You know you look really fucking hot when you're all wet, right?" he sighed and let go, taking a few steps back, "whereas I look like a mix of a drowned dog and a tomato! Life really isn't fair!"

Zayn laughed and walked over to the desk to lean against it before nodding towards Niall's phone;

"Was that Louis calling?"

"Yep, still so hung up on Haz, I swear I've never seen him like this! You remember Harry, right?"

Zayn nodded, how could he forget the well-dressed curly haired boy in the back of the class that had turned into a laughing goofball in the hands of Niall. He didn't stay at campus, he lived close enough to get there in a couple of minutes, his dad owning a lot of the land around here.

"Well he's decided that Harry is the one for him and you know Lou, he won't give up!"

"There's something about them though, they just sort of fit."

Niall gave a light chuckle and his eyes landed on Zayn, taking a few steps forward to close the gap between then and caught a water drop that he could feel tickling down his cheek.

He seemed enthralled again and moved his finger to Zayn's lips, tracing the lower one and Zayn could taste his own hair product and it should be gross but it just wasn't.

Niall reached up and traced his other hand through Zayn's hair, down to right behind his ear and all Zayn could do was stay pliant, let himself be softly manhandled over to the bed and Niall's hand still hadn't left his neck, fingertips rubbing against his skin and now Zayn's focus was on the floor, suddenly too shy to look up and meet the gaze he knew was fixed on him.

And then Niall's hand moved from his lips to under his chin and he tilted his face up, his voice a little darker than before, matching his eyes.

"You are so breath-taking it's absolutely ridiculous, and I really wanna fucking kiss you right now!"

Of course he was asking for permission and of course Zayn was too stunned to speak so he just let his eyes flutter shut, hoping that it would be enough and just as he felt Niall's breath on his lips they both jumped at the loud banging on the door.

"Christ! Fuck!"

Niall was the first one to snap out of it and he took a few steps back before rubbing a hand over his face and shaking his head as Zayn sunk down on the bed, feeling slightly light-headed and drowsy.

The banging continued and Niall took a deep breath and shouted "come the fuck in, then!" through the door and as it slammed open his expression softened and he _(almost automatically, Zayn thought)_ held his arms out.

"He dumped me!" and then a brown-haired girl was swept up in Niall's embrace and he hugged her close, not even seeming the tiniest bit concerned that he was getting mascara all over his white top.

"Oh, honey…  You're too good for him anyways, darlin'."

And with a lot of other people the nicknames that he constantly used would have seemed awkward and odd but the way his accent curled around the words _(kind of the same as his light and warmth curled around everyone, Zayn thought)_ made it irresistible so when he mouthed _"So sorry, love,"_ over her head in Zayn's direction he nodded and got up to leave, understanding that there was no way Niall would let this girl out of his sight until she felt better.

Sometimes he thought, though, that Niall didn't realize that Zayn needed him too, that his attention was so addictive that it almost became like a drug; after a little you only wanted more. You wanted all of him but it was like a silent agreement between everyone in Niall's life that he didn't belong to any one person, that everyone needed that little bit of warmth that he gave so desperately that they didn't mind sharing.  Except, of course, when they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be really appreciated on this one as I put a lot of effort into it and I want to know if this is something I should keep going with. If it is, the next chapter will be Louis' point of view (I've already sketched it out)  
> Thanks for reading! xx


	2. Louis

 

 

"I hope they made it alright, I know how picky you are with your tea, mate!"

Niall handed him the takeaway cup and Louis nodded a thanks as he put it down beside the till and popped up next to it, folding his legs and letting out a deep huff of air before lifting the cup and smelling the content with a wrinkled nose. He didn't quite trust tea he hadn't made himself but his kettle here at work had decided to give in this morning and he had a dull headache which he figured was because he was lacking tea, - that and the fact that most of his night had consisted of thinking about Harry instead of sleeping and it was driving him absolutely mental. He usually got like this when he had an idea for a new tattoo; spending hours planning it out and not able to sleep until he had marked his skin with yet another fragment of his mind.

He frowned and absentmindedly let his tongue run over the piece of metal in his lip, a nervous habit that Niall never failed to notice, teasing him and poking at it whilst remarking that if Louis had been his cup of tea that would've been 'pretty fucking hot'. 

It had been quiet in the shop all day and it made him a little antsy, already struggling with rent and that itching in the back of his head that maybe people didn't want to buy music like this anymore.

He tried pushing it down as he watched Niall wander over to Zayn, - the dark haired boy had spent most of the hour they'd been here in the opposite corner of the shop, rather grumpily getting lost in old LPs and occasionally sinking down on the floor to read and look at the ones he liked. He quite often seemed to be in a world of his own and Louis could relate to that, it was what happened to him as well when he really took it all in, really thought about how much feeling and work had gone in to every single piece of music in this shop. 

He sighed as Niall walked up behind Zayn and snaked one arm around his waist, the other hand holding a cup in front of him and Louis could see the dark haired boy leaning in to the touch for just a second as Niall put his chin on his shoulder, mumbling something in his ear that had Zayn smiling before he pulled away and took the cup, warming his hands on it, - which of course reminded Louis of the pending electricity bill that he needed to pay.

It wouldn't stay nice and warm forever, winter's always just around the corner and he didn't want his customers to freeze, trusting the sun to heat the place up. He took a sip of his tea and made a face, almost wanting to spit it out again but forcing himself to swallow, considering it medicine for his distracted mind.

His eyes followed Niall as he came back and popped himself down on the sofa opposite of the desk Louis was sat on, legs spread wide and his own cup balanced on his knee.

"You alright, mate?"

The blonde nodded and yawned, "just tired. Mike broke up with Lauren. Again. I didn't get much sleep," he stretched and pulled a hand through his, for once, styled hair, no snapback pulling it down and out of place. He was in a light green long-sleeved T-shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and various festival bracelets covering his wrists - he looked good and Louis glanced over at Zayn as he briefly touched on the thought of how it would be like actually loving him as more than a friend.

"How about you, Lou? You seem distracted! No eyeliner which means you slept in, no snarky remarks which means you're in your own head. What chewed you up and made you into a sweet lil' puppy?"

Louis frowned and looked around for something to throw at the boy but upon noticing that the only thing within his reach was his own cup of tea he just sighed and yawned, giving in.

"I can't stop thinking about him, mate!"

"So," Niall leaned forward a little, " _do_ something about it! I've seen you pull a million guys before, why is this so different?"

"It's not…" Louis could feel heat rising in his cheeks, - which was really fucking weird because hardly anything embarrassed him, "it's not like that… I don't want to just pull him. It's… he's…" he gestured wildly in front of him, a bit of the tea sloshing out and landing on his jeans, " _Fuck!_ It's different with him," he wiped at the dampness, "he's not like anyone I've ever met."

He had to bite his lip to hold back the stupid grin when he tried to think of _why_ Harry was so different. It wasn't that he was so well-spoken or that he was dressed in all these stupidly expensive clothes, or that he seemed to really pay attention to everything Louis liked or when he smiled his dimples were just so great and when he laughed really hard he covered his mouth with his hands and his lips were so perfect and Louis just wanted to…

"Oi! Mate! You're swooning, bud! Christ!" 

Louis half-expected Niall to laugh at him but when he looked over at the blonde boy he had a huge smile plastered on his face and he seemed genuinely happy and pleased, sounding just a little smug when he spoke;

"I'm glad there's finally someone with the power to tie you down!"

Louis laughed and huffed a "look who's talking!" and then his eyes darted out and landed on the boy over at the other end of the shop.

"What's up with him today?"

He nodded towards Zayn and watched as Niall followed his gaze and shrugged, not seeming overly concerned.

"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"I heard that," Zayn hollered, looking up from the record he was holding in his hand and glared at Niall, "you wanna tell him why I woke up funny?"

"He wouldn't get up and we'd planned to go for a run before class, so I woke him up. Properly."

Louis raised an eyebrow and studied them both, "since when do you go for runs?" he questioned and watched as Zayn walked over to them and settled himself on the small sofa, throwing his legs over Niall's lap, the blonde boy instantly tracing his fingers up his thigh, rubbing little circles.

"Since we figured out that all the fit girls go for runs in the morning," Niall smiled and they high-fived before Zayn reached out and smacked him over the head, seeming to remember that he was in fact mad at him.

"So this idiot woke me up by emptying a bottle of water over me!"

Louis let out a short bark of laughter which earned him a glare from Zayn whilst Niall just shrugged and chuckled, "well, it got you up and running," before he stretched his arm out and his fingers dug in to the hair at the back of Zayn's neck.

They were so comfortable around each other it almost made Louis want to look away, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment. They'd been even closer than normal lately and when Louis had asked Niall about it the younger boy had shrugged and seemed to not really want to talk about it.

"What time are you closing today?"

Niall was still scratching at Zayn's neck but his focus was on Louis, it was almost as if he was unaware that he was doing it, that he touched just out of habit. Zayn seemed equally unaware, or rather, used to it, - leaning in to the touch like a kitten with his eyes falling shut and Louis was half-expecting the shop to fill with a soft purr.

"In a bit, haven’t had a single customer in for over an hour so if I don't get anyone soon I'll just close up, it's getting late." 

He checked the time and frowned a little, usually Harry would have been in by now and he didn’t really want to shut before he'd gotten at least a little time with the curly haired boy. Not seeing him made him antsy and he glanced out the window.

"He's not coming today, mate."

"What?"

"Harry? I assume that's who you're waiting for? He's got this party he has to be at, something at his house for his dad, I think, some fundraising shite."

Louis licked his tongue out over his piercing and frowned as he watched Niall shoot him a sympathetic look and take a sip from his cup, making a slight grimace.

"This is vile, mate. I understand why you don’t drink it now!" He let his head fall back against the sofa, landing only inches away from Zayn's and he nudged the darker boy's nose with his own, "your breath smells nice, love, how's your hot chocolate?"

Zayn just hummed and handed Niall the cup, letting him take a sip before he took it back, grumbling "mine," and then they both giggled and Louis couldn't help but feel disappointed that he wouldn't have Harry here today and a little jealous that even if he did, it wouldn't be close to as intimate as his two friends.

There had been a time where he had been content going to work and sorting through all the CDs and LPs, just walking around the shop and running his fingers over them had made him happy, some might call him old-fashioned but he liked the feel of the music, not being a big fan of mp3s or computers, he liked to be able to touch it, to look at the artwork, to hold it in his hands.

But ever since the overly polite boy with curls falling in his eyes had come in to his shop he hadn't quite been able to get him off of his mind. They'd spent hours chatting about music and then about books and then Louis had explained most of his tattoos, pointing them out and telling him all the stories that came with them, laughing and talking until Harry was the very thing on his mind when he went to bed, and the first coherent thought in the morning - no longer content with just music. 

"Right," Niall interrupted his train of thought as he got up, arm around Zayn's waist now, his thumb digging in under the other boy's shirt, absentmindedly tracing his skin, "we're gonna go down the pub for a pint! You should join us later."

Louis nodded, he could feel plans already forming in the back of his head as he hopped off the desk and he laughed when he was swept up in a double hug by the two boys.

"Oh, "Niall turned around at the door, "do not, and I'm gonna repeat this, do not crash Harry's party."

"I'd never."

"It wouldn't go down well, mate."

"I know."

"His dad is really strict."

"So you've said."  

"I mean it, don't do it, Lou."

"I won't."

"Ugh," it was more of a laugh than a grunt, "fine, just remember I told you not to when you come crying to me after being kicked out!"

"Fine, fine, "Louis gestured for them to leave, "I won't, I won't!" and as he watched them walk away he couldn’t help but think that the two of them fit nicely together.

He'd seen Niall with a lot of different girlfriends and boyfriends, - hell, they'd even stumbled into bed once a couple of years ago.

Louis smiled at the memory as he started closing up the shop, it had been after a crazy night out with too much alcohol and too much grinding up on different people and they'd drunkenly fallen into Louis' flat and onto his bed and bumped their noses together when they'd kissed, Louis' fingers somehow getting stuck in Niall's hair and it was just a disaster from then on.

They'd managed to get their clothes off without hurting each other but Niall's hand had felt oddly dry and he’d accidentally punched him in the stomach when he’d tried to grip around him, - that on top of kneeing him right in the face when he’d bent down to blow him and then Niall had put his hand right on the lube so that it sprayed out all over the bed and it had ended in them laughing so hard they'd both gotten teary-eyed and Louis had pulled his clothes back on and made them some tea, agreeing that 'best friends' would have to do.

It seemed different with him and Zayn, though; there was something more between the two of them.

As Louis quietly whispered 'goodnight' to his shop when he locked up he couldn't help but look around again, hoping to see the lanky boy with curls, patting his pocket with the little wrapped up paper bag he hadn't had the chance to give him and the mere knowledge that he wouldn't see him today rubbed him the wrong way to the extent of it really not being his fault when his feet took him towards Harry's place instead of home.

He'd been down this way a couple of times before on late night walks with Niall and Zayn, the three of them taking the longer route home from the pub to sober up a little and even if he wouldn’t know it he could tell which house was Harry's just by looking at all the stupidly expensive cars parked up outside.

He silently cursed his choice of clothes as he went around the back, the loose tank top really not covering any of his inked skin and with a red beanie to hide his messy hair there was just no way he would be able to blend in.

He questioned his decision as he climbed over the fence and hunched down behind a very well groomed bush and could see just what type of people Harry normally would hang out with.

They were all dressed in stupidly fancy clothes, his curly haired boy being the one looking the most casual in khaki's, a white T-shirt and a light blue suit jacket, his torso seeming to go on forever and Louis had to remind himself to breathe when he saw him. 

His heart almost jumped out of his chest when the younger boy absentmindedly walked towards him to grab a glass of champagne off of one of the many tables strategically placed around the massive garden.

"Hey, sunshine," Louis kept his voice as low as he could and butterflies surged through his stomach as Harry looked around, noticeably confused.

"Over here, you dofus."

The younger boy's eyes widened when they landed on Louis, quickly looking around to make sure that no one else was near and hissed "my father will kill me, right after he kills you," through his teeth before Louis pulled him down next to him, accidentally getting champagne all over himself in the process.

"Oops!"

Harry looked shocked at first but then he giggled and his expression softened, eyes lighting up, dimples showing.

"Hi," he nervously looked around again before he put his glass down on the grass, tilting his head slightly in question, curls falling into his eyes and Louis had to dig his nails into his palms to not reach out and run his hands through them. 

"I missed you today," the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and he shook his head, cursed quietly and added, "so… wanna get out of here?"

Harry glanced up from behind the bush and after what felt like the longest couple of seconds in Louis' life he nodded, a smile spreading over his face, dimples that he wanted to lick in to.

"This way," Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him out through a gate that Louis must have completely missed when he jumped over the fence and bushes, leading them out in to the street, both a little out of breath and giddy and instead of letting go of Harry's hand Louis entwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb against Harry's skin. It wasn't much, but it made his heart beat faster and a smile to spread when the taller boy didn't pull away, but instead let himself be led through the streets in silence.

After they'd gotten far away from the house to finally slow down a little, Harry broke the quiet, using his free hand to adjust his curls.

"So… where are we going?"

Louis nodded towards a hidden small path in front of them, "just up the hill, have you even been?"

He watched as Harry shook his head, hair dancing across his face and he again rubbed it away with his free hand, smiling a little before he spoke, "so is kidnapping people a habit of yours, Louis?"

"Only when they keep me up all night," it was muttered under his breath and he really didn't expect the younger boy to hear it so he was a bit taken aback when Harry's grip around his hand tightened a little and he mumbled

"I think about you all the time, too."

They'd never been together outside of the shop before and Louis had expected it to feel a little weird without having the small interruptions of customers and the little distractions that kept them going but when he searched for any awkward in the air he couldn't find it, all that was buzzing around him was nerves and giddiness.

"My headache is gone," he noted, out loud, as he smiled at Harry and stumbled up the narrow path, bending down to get under a branch before stopping, standing back.

"Wow," Harry's hand slid out of his and he watched him take a couple of steps forward and look out over the small lake and the city-lights, "I've lived here for years and I've never seen it from up here," Harry smiled at him, "thank you!"

"Most people haven't," Louis felt his own lips form a smile as he brushed his hand over the wood before he sat down on the old bench, "no one ever comes up here anymore."

"Well it's a shame," Harry turned to face him properly, taking the few steps closer and a slight frown formed as he studied the bench, nose a little scrunched up.

"It won't bite," Louis gestured for him to sit and when he didn't move he reached out and pulled him forward, landing him right on Louis' lap, both of them huffing out a breath of air and Harry giggled before he touched his hand over the wood next to Louis, carefully sliding off but keeping his legs close, knees touching, -and if Louis wouldn’t have been so fucking stunned he would have captured his lips in a kiss because that was really all he could think about but as it was now all he could do was clear his throat and start to babble about the shop, his kettle and the lack of tea in his blood.

It was starting to get dark out by the time he remembered the little bag in his pocket, he'd gone from nervously talking about everything he could think of to calmly listening to Harry speak about how he felt trapped in his life, how his future was so planned out.

It was something they quite often talked about, the younger boy terrified that he didn't have any choice in the matter, over and over again saying that he'd just like to fly away, go somewhere where people didn't know him because of his money and his family, and Louis thought that it was so special that he wanted to make it on his own. He was only two years older than the eighteen year old but he still somehow wanted to protect him, wanted him to feel free and to be happy, to not feel trapped, -so when he pulled out the little bag from his pocket and placed it in Harry's hand he couldn't help the nervous shudder that ran through his body.

"What's this?"

Harry quirked his eyebrows up, his long fingers instantly unfolding it and Louis couldn't think of a single thing to say at all until the little silver plane landed in Harry's palm, the silver chain picking up a glint of sunlight, almost blinding him and then suddenly he couldn't shut up;

"it is so that you know that you can always get away and it would be a real airplane but you know me and I can't really afford one so that's why it's a paper plane and look," he gestured to his arm where an identical paper plane was tattooed in, "now we sorta match and mine means freedom and that you can make anything out of anything, you know?" he rubbed at his forehead with his thumb, "like… it's just a piece of paper for fuck sake, but it can turn into a plane and fly and if a paper can do that then think of what you can do and…"

He was silenced by soft lips nudging against his; it was a quick and sweet first kiss but it still managed to blank his mind completely, leaving him with his eyes shut and heart pounding so hard that he thought it was going to jump out of his chest and fly into Harry's hands.

"I love it," Harry smiled as he put it on, lining it up with the cross that was already around his neck, "thank you," his fingertips touched Louis' arm, "really."

"It's nothing," Louis could feel his cheeks heat and he was filled with so much warmth he had to stand up, distance himself a bit, this whole getting nervous around people was too new, he was usually in control of the situation and it was mind blowing that this was how he felt after just a small touch.

He cleared his throat and checked his neglected phone and was not surprised when he had two missed calls from Niall and one from Zayn, turned his head around and almost tripped over at how close Harry was, the younger boy somehow walking over to him without him noticing, now leaning forward to put his chin against his shoulder, looking at his phone.

"Is that Niall, Niall?"

Louis huffed out a laugh at that and nudged his head against Harry's, "no, this is one of the many other Niall's there are around here," he turned around to face the taller boy.

"Heey," Louis decided that Harry was adorable when he pouted, "don't be mean."

"Niall and Zayn are down the pub, fancy going?"

Harry checked his own phone and cringed, "I need an excuse to stay out late."

"Studying? Library? Fell asleep on a sofa? It‘s already late, love."

"I need an excuse to why I left the party as well, if he even noticed."

"Studying?" Louis smiled a little and took Harry's hand as he started to walk down the narrow path again, "Library? Sofa?"

Harry's hand squeezed his as he used his other to text, all the while biting his lip in a way that made Louis go just a tad crazy and he had to get his phone back out and call Niall, just to stop himself from pouncing the boy.

"Hey!! Lou!"

"Zayn?"

"Yeah, Niall's playing right now, I have no idea how they always convince him to sing! Every bloody time but he should be done soon and yeah, they're giving us free beer and, crap, I just got some on my jeans! Bloody hell!"

Louis chuckled, Zayn always did get a bit more talkative when he was drunk, words slightly slurred and he gripped Harry's hand a little tighter, pulling him in the direction of the pub.

"We're coming down, I'm…"

"We? You mean… like… you're bringing Harry?"

"Yeah, we…"

Zayn's whoop was loud enough for Louis to be sure that Harry must've heard it, and upon seeing a dimple form in the other boy's cheek he grunted out a "Zayn!" which seemed to have no effect what so ever on him.

"Wait, wait! He stopped playing now… yeah. We're heading to the club… uhm… Shit, no, that one's mine, Niall! No, give me… Club, yeah? Yeah! You know the one! Meet us there, yeah?" Zayn hung up before Louis got another word out, looking up at Harry.

"I think they might be a wee bit drunk. Fancy clubbing?"

It was properly dark now and Louis could just make out the smile and nod in the weak light of the streets, butterflies again surging through his stomach as Harry's thumb grazed his palm.

"You wanna walk? Get a taxi?"

Harry shook his head, fixed his curls, "walk, defiantly."

They made it to the club in what Louis knew must have been about twenty minutes, but felt like five, again getting lost in conversation and he didn't notice the massive queue until Harry pointed it out, so engulfed in the story he was telling, gesturing with his free hand and with the one that was gripped around Harry's.

"Wheeeeeeyyyyy! You're here!!" before Louis had a chance to even react he was separated from Harry and swept up in a hug, spun around and then put down again, Niall beaming at him, the long-sleeved T-shirt gone and replaced with a loose tank-top and a huge grin.

He turned and saw Zayn just letting go of Harry, also in black, low enough cut for the tattoos on his chest to peek out, rolled up sleeves and he met Harry's eyes, the younger boy looking so taken aback that Louis started laughing and took his hand, rubbed a little pattern into his palm, making him smile.   

"Free pints, eh?"

Louis poked at Niall's side and the blonde boy barked out a loud laugh and threw his arm over his shoulders, the other around Zayn's waist and Harry somehow managed to stay on Louis' other side, their fingers once more entwining as they were led towards the club.

"Niall, the queue starts over there, buddy," Louis tried to direct them but Niall pulled loose from everyone and skipped forward to one of the bouncers, the huge man's face lighting up at the sight of the blonde and his arms opening as Niall jumped in to hug him, laughing and chatting and by the time they were within earshot Louis could hear Niall ask, "four of us, Luke, is that alright?" and then they were ushered in, Niall stopping a couple of times to hug people, music blaring and before Louis could register anything really, he was pushed to the bar, three shots put down in front of him and he settled; this was a scene he was used to, a surrounding that made him feel safe and a bit light-headed, -the loud bass vibrating against his chest and he took a deep relaxed breath, just now noticing Harry gripping his hand a little tighter.

"You alright with this?" He leaned in close to speak in Harry's ear and felt more than saw him nod, curls tickling his cheek and then Niall's arms were around the pair of them and he lost count on how many shots they ordered, how many times his fingers brushed over Harry's arms, Harry's neck, Harry's stomach, Harry's back, - Harry's breath in his ear, Harry's back against his chest and everything was just Harry.

They ended up on two barstools pulled close together in a corner of the club where the music was a little quieter, chatting easily, watching other people come and go, sometimes stopping the constant flow of words to just nod along to the music and Louis wasn't sure he'd ever been so content just _talking_ to someone for this long.

"Gotta go to the loo," Harry's breath brushed against his neck and he shuddered before he nodded, watching him make his way through the crowd of people, his eyes landing on a blonde head bobbing along to the music, or rather, - a blonde and a dark haired boy grinding up against each other so shamelessly that it would have made Louis cringe if it wasn't for the fact that they were surrounded by couples doing the exact same thing, some people bare-chested in the heat of the club. 

Niall's hands were on Zayn's hips, Zayn's back pressed against his chest, - they weren't dancing as much as just rocking their bodies to the heavy beat of the music, Zayn's head tilted back and towards Niall's, neck exposed, both their lips parted and only inches away from each other's. They looked incredibly good together and Louis could almost feel the tension between them across the room, noticed the group of girls in the corner just stood watching them and the way people seemed to form a circle around them.

"Enjoying the show?" a small man reached out and nudged Louis' arm and he frowned, rolled his eyes and wondered for the millionths time why he always seemed to attract short old men.

"I'm just waiting for my mate," he shrugged the touch off and stiffened a little in his seat, actually focusing on giving off the _fuck off_ vibe.

"Oh, I'll be your mate," the man stumbled and Louis raised an eyebrow at him, huffed out a laugh and jumped down from the barstool.

"That's alright, buddy. I've got plenty of mates, don't need no more."

"Aw, come on!" the amount of times he'd had drunken men grab his ass had made his reflexes fast enough to grab hold of the man's hand before it even touched him and he twisted his grip, pressed a little harder, "listen, mate. You really, really don't want to do this," he let go and almost walked straight into Harry, the taller boy appearing in front of him, slightly tight smile and then his arm was around Louis' shoulders and "you really can look a little scary, you know," was whispered in his ear, to which he laughed.

"Do you wanna get out of here? Don't you have work in the morning?"

Louis wasn't usually one to leave early and was surprised when he looked at his phone and noticed that it was coming up half two in the morning, making a slight grimace thinking about how little sleep he’d get. 

"Yeah, let me just check on Niall and Zayn, "he looked around the room, eyes once more landing on the dancing boys in the middle of a group of people, "meet you outside?"

Harry nodded against the back of his head and he braced himself and started pushing through the crowd.

"Oi! Niall!"

He had to push against a guy’s bare back to get to Niall and shouted his name again, right in his face.

“Niall!!”

It took a second for Niall to focus his eyes on him but when he did he stopped moving, just standing still with Zayn’s back pressed against his chest, his hands still steady on his hips, thin layer of sweat covering the pair of them.

“You guys are gross. We’re leaving, are you staying?”

Niall turned to Zayn, or rather, he grazed his lips over the other boy’s neck until his mouth was right above his ear and Louis looked away, tapped his foot and was kind of relieved when Niall bumped his arm and shook his head, told him that they were staying, and he quickly hurried through the crowd to avoid being hugged by the two sweaty boys.

The fresh air hit him almost as hard as the feeling of Harry’s soft hand grabbing his and when he looked up at the dimpled cheeks he felt it all the way to his soul, the urge to touch, the resistance in his whole body when he thought of the fact that he was going to have to say goodbye and go back to his own empty flat.

“Walk you home?”

He let his thumb stroke over Harry's hand and watched in dismay as the younger boy shook his head, "I thought you lived right around here? Can I walk you home and then I can get a taxi?”

Louis gave a small pout even though part of him knew that this was the best solution, he knew that this was Harry caring and wanting him rested but it still took a lot of effort for him to not just outright say no, “but I only live right over there,” he instead kind of whined and then straightened his back, pulled himself together and added a, "fine," with a long sigh attached to it that made Harry giggle and squeeze his hand as they started walking.

"So, are they together?"

"Who?"

"Niall and Zayn?"

Louis shrugged, he himself had wondered that today as well and he made a mental note to ask Niall as soon as he got the chance.

"I really don't know… kind of looks like it though, don't it?"

"They do look good together."

Louis hummed in agreement, "Niall doesn't really do relationships, though."

They walked in silence for a moment and his gaze landed on the line of taxis and drivers chatting and joking around in the taxi rank, his flat only a couple of minutes away from here and he pulled them both to a stop, urgency pumping through his blood, still holding one of Harry's hands.

"Why are we stopping?"

"Because," Louis took a step closer, "I'm gonna get you in a taxi and I don't want to say goodbye in front of all of them," he nodded towards the taxi's and Harry followed his gaze and sighed, biting down on his lip.

"Oh, ok," he smiled a little, teeth still digging into his lower lip, "thank you for tonight, and for the necklace."

"That's ok," Louis' cheeks hurt from how big his own smile was and he hooked two fingers in the new chain around Harry's neck, "it wasn't just for you," he took a step closer and tugged softly, "it was so I could do this," he pulled a little harder as he got up on his toes, Harry meeting him halfway in a kiss that was much more on purpose this time.

It was odd to him because he felt _everything_ , how his knees almost weakened, how the butterflies in his stomach intensified; he felt Harry's fingers still tracing over his palm, Harry's other hand digging in to the hair on the back of his neck, Harry's breath against his tongue, Harry's curls tickling his forehead and Harry's lips gently moving in the same pace as his. The smell, touch and presence of the other boy was everywhere and he briefly thought _fuck it, who needs sleep anyways_ , before he deepened the kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave some feedback, it really helps and this is the fic I enjoy working on the most right now, so if you like reading it, please let me know.  
> Constructive criticism is also always very welcome!  
> Thanks for reading! xx


	3. Zayn

 

Everything was too much, the hands gripping his hips, fingertips just about digging into his skin hard enough to scratch, Niall’s firm chest pressed against his back, heaving in the same rhythm as the music, lips rubbing slightly against his neck; leaving goose bumps in their trail up to his ear and he knew he should pull away, that he was sweaty and disgusting and this was not something they even ever did and probably shouldn’t do so when Louis had interrupted them and asked if they’d wanted to leave it was like he snapped out of a trance, like he dropped back into his body, getting the control of it back. 

They didn’t quite get back to dancing after watching Louis push his way through the crowd, Niall’s hands still strong on his hips and turning him around so they were facing each other instead and however much he tried he couldn’t stop staring at his lips, at the way his tongue swept over them, wetting them and making them glisten and as Niall nudged him towards the exit and away from people he didn’t protest, not one bit.

He got stuck on the way the muscles played under Niall’s skin when he hugged the bouncer, the way his hair was now down in a messy fringe and the way that his hand snaked around and grabbed Zayn’s waist so natural that it would feel stranger to not have it there.

They walked in silence for a moment and he felt almost out of breath, like he couldn’t bear to force enough air down his lungs because every time he did all he could smell was Niall, all he could taste was Niall and it was eerie, new, different; the way it made him feel.

“… innit?”

He jumped a little when Niall nudged him, “huh?”

“Are you even listening to me, love?”

“Can’t say I am, no.”

Niall pulled them to a stop, swirling him around so they were face to face, the streetlights and shadows of the trees making his features look almost otherworldly, “well I was saying, ” his hands trailed up Zayn’s arms to come to rest on his shoulders, “that this is different,” soft, searching eyes.

“What is?”

“You. Me. Like, this can’t be just me, you’ve got to be feeling it too? Like… it’s different… Fuck, I don’t know…?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah? Really, Zayn? Good input. Well said, mate. Insightful!”

And that was just it, Niall would never be the kind of person to not take on whatever problem or challenge wholeheartedly, to get to the point as soon as possible to get it over with and sorted so Zayn wasn’t entirely surprised that he’d brought it up and just put it out there, in fact he’d been kind of wishing he would. But now that it was he had no idea what to say, how to put in to words what he felt, when things had changed, how it was different or what he wanted to do about it. All he knew was that there was a spark so prominent between them that it actually took effort to not lean forward just a little and press his lips against Niall’s, and that was something that he’d never really wanted to do before.

He’d been quite content with the quick handjobs and laughs, with sometimes sharing Niall and hooking up with other people, but something bigger, more vital, had clicked between them, he knew it, especially after tonight.

“Come on, mate. Jesus, how drunk are you?”

Niall pushed against him and got them walking again and it was as if his head was bursting with things he wanted to say and do but he couldn’t form coherent enough thoughts to get them out and it had nothing to do with alcohol, it was just that Niall was everywhere, his presence so big that he didn’t have room for anything and it wasn’t exactly unpleasant, it was just overwhelming, made the edges around them fuzzy so when the blonde boy flung his arm around his shoulders and started humming softly into the darkness he just walked silently next to him.

It was tension in every step when they were in the actual hall, though, the quiet eating at him  _(when did he stop humming, Zayn thought)_  as they both dragged their feet towards their doors and his skin was kind of buzzing when they stopped in front of his, mind racing when Niall looked at him, dipped his head in goodbye and turned to walk towards his own door and his world fell apart a little, not really knowing what he’d expected but felt oddly empty without the other boy by his side and he let his head fall as he searched his pockets for the key.

“Just so you know…” his head snapped up at Niall’s voice and he turned to find the other boy stood right in the middle of the corridor, hand tracing through his sweaty hair as he faced him and kind of half-smiled, “if you were anyone else, after the night we’ve had, I would have you in my room and begging for it within minutes,” he did this little shrug that made Zayn laugh, slightly hysterical sound breaking through the quiet.

“Five minutes, yeah?” he teased, his mind spinning with the possibilities and the feeling that he was letting something go that he really shouldn’t, that maybe this could be really good, “what if I’m already there?” He kind of mumbled it to himself and his eyes widened a little when Niall closed the gap between them, one warm hand landing on his hip and the other on the wall beside his head, trapping him in.  

“I…” Niall took his hand off him to scratch his own neck and he felt the absence of contact like a weight, like it was heavier to stand there without Niall’s hand on him and he watched with fascination as the other boy looked down for a second before looking back up again, placing the hand back on him, on his cheek this time, “fuck… I just really wanna kiss you right now, I’ve been wanting to all night… and not just because I wanna fuck you but because you’re so fucking great and hot but you’re like my best mate and I don’t want it to be weird, I wouldn’t wanna lose you… and I’ve never fucking felt like this before, not for a friend.”

There was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t quite swallow down, Niall was so close; he could feel hot breath blowing over his lips, could count his eyelashes and feel the heat radiating off him and he suddenly felt completely calm,  _(except for the heart rate, Zayn thought, the heart rate’s not calm)_ as he put his own hands on Niall’s hips, hooking two fingers in the belt loops, familiar. 

“You even there, Zayn? I never say shite like this either. I know I’m a bit drunk but… Fuck! You know me, you know this isn’t… Jesus Christ, mate, are you gonna help me out here or what?”

And he was going to reply and say that nothing mattered, that even if this would feel wrong they’d sort it out, that he couldn’t imagine his life without Niall, he couldn’t even remember the time before they’d met, what he used to do, who he used to be around, but as he looked up and locked eyes with the boy he lost all sense and Niall seemed to stop too, to calm, a small twitch and faint hint of a crooked smile before they both moved forward, slowly, keeping the eye contact and then he must have closed his eyes because all he could feel was Niall’s lips and it should have been so weird but it wasn’t; it was a little clumsy and he tasted beer and salt and they both tried to move their heads at the same time but instead of it being awkward it just made them smile, Niall’s grip around his face to tighten to angle him, to deepen the kiss and there was a mix  _of what the hell am I doing_  and  _fuck, this is good_ playing in his head but mainly it was just Niall, the smell, the taste, the touch.

It was all just lips and gentle tugs with soft teeth and Zayn didn’t think that something so light could be so hot but he could feel his body reacting, that building feeling that started in the pit of his stomach.

Niall pulled away first, leaning their foreheads together, slightly out of breath and Zayn caught his eyes, raised an eyebrow in question.

“If I don’t stop now, love… “

The rest of the sentence was left hanging in the air, like an invite, like temptation, and Zayn lingered in it for a moment before he put his hand on the door handle behind him, this was enough, thoughts were already starting to form and drag him in and he smiled as Niall smiled, let the other boy place a bright short kiss on his lips and then watched him turn and walk across the hall.

On one hand, Zayn thought as he was lying in his bed about fifteen minutes later, he would have loved to have Niall there with him, but on the other hand he knew it would have been too much, too soon. This felt weird. He didn’t have a problem with the occasional handjobs but kissing like that, feeling like that, it was different; it meant something.

How could it get weird, though? It was Niall, he trusted that boy with his life.

He smiled to himself as he felt sleep pull him under, there was something buzzing in his blood that he couldn’t quite put his finger on, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t the alcohol.

___

Or maybe it had been, he thought as the banging on the door the next morning sent little waves of pain through his head and he didn’t even have time to really open his eyes before the blonde whirlwind was sat down on his bed, two take-away cups in his hands and a smile so warm it made him want to take his clothes off, at least he told himself that it was because of the smile and not the loose tank top and golden skin.

“Morning, love, how are you still sleeping? It’s like two in the afternoon and I’ve been to one lecture, had food, went to the gym and oh my God the things Liam made me do, I’m fucking aching! My arms are numb! You really need to do a sesh with him sometime, he’s brutal! Absolutely mental! Oh, and Lou called and wanted us to pop over later and don’t you have a lecture in like half hour?”

Zayn rubbed at his eyes and pulled his body up to lean his back against the headboard, “huh?” he blindly reached out for the cup and flinched a little at the skin to skin contact when Niall handed it to him, a little spark running through his body, waking all the memories from last night.

Niall’s smile was bright and he took a sip from his own cup before he put it on the nightstand, “lecture?” Zayn sniffed the content in his cup before he tasted it;

“Nah, it doesn’t matter if I miss it, it won’t mean anything,” he swirled the chocolaty coffee around in his mouth, getting rid of the taste of morning and locked eyes with Niall for the first time since he’d stormed in to the room, feeling his lips tug up in a smile.

“So what you’re saying is, ” Niall took the cup from his hand and put it on the table next to his own, “that we’ve got time,” he moved forward and shuffled up the bed to straddle Zayn, “and nothing to really do until going to Lou’s?”

Zayn felt his mouth go dry, his mind go blank and his eyes landed on Niall’s lips as he nodded, slowly, “yeah,” he cleared his throat, licked his tongue out, “that’s what I’m saying.”

“Good,” Niall scooted a little further up, his hands moving up to cup Zayn’s face, “and you don’t mind if I kiss you, do you?”

Zayn closed his eyes as he shook his head, his own hands landing on Niall’s hips, thumbs tracing the hem of his jeans and as he felt lips on his own, nudging softly, he thought that maybe he was still asleep, that he’d just dreamt waking up because surely nothing could feel so right, so soon.  

The kiss deepened quicker this time, tongues brushing together and Zayn’s hands moved up Niall’s body, sneaking in under his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin and he hummed into the other boy’s mouth, content at first but then Niall did something with his teeth to his lower lip that made him wince and grind his hips up, a little breathless.

“We should probably…” Niall talked between kisses, pulling away slightly, “…stop. You just woke up,” he nudge their noses together, “I know how out of it you are in the morning.”

Zayn nodded against his lips, urged him closer, fingers digging into his skin, “I could accuse you of taking advantage of my dazed state, you little…” he was interrupted by Niall pulling completely away, two hands on his shoulders to press him firmly against the headboard.

“Hey! Watch who you’re calling little!”

Zayn laughed, tried to push against the hold but Niall held firmly so he sighed and dramatically rolled his eyes instead, right before digging his fingers in harder to the sides of the boy on top of him, making him squeal and fall down next to him on the bed, fumbling away, laughing and then swatting at his hands.

“Stop, stop stop! Aaargh! I give, I give!”

Zayn giggled, pulled his hands away, “do you really?” and wasn’t at all surprised when the blonde boy shook his head and attacked, swatting and squirming, somehow ending up on top again and this time he didn’t take hold of Zayn’s shoulders but grabbed his hands instead, pulled them over his head and suddenly it wasn’t so funny anymore.

It was kind of like time stopped, ( _which was odd, Zayn thought, everything always moved so fast with Niall)_ and then he watched as he lowered his head and connected their lips, just briefly, hands still pinned down, moved a bit up and that somehow made them rub together  _just right_ and Zayn bit down on his lip to not moan, feeling himself hard and the way Niall’s hips were grinding against him, giving him just a little friction was making his blood boil and he pressed his head back against the bed, tried to gather himself.  

Niall took advantage of his exposed neck and trailed his tongue down his skin, too slow, biting down softly only to soothe it with a kiss after, still moving his hips, still not letting go of his hands and Zayn was just about to try to pull free and press him down the bed but instead they both jumped at the door flying open and Zayn’s first reaction was to push Niall off, landing the Irish boy on the floor with a loud thump and almost knocking their cups over.

“Uhm… Sorry.” Josh froze for a second in the door and then he kind of shrugged and walked in and Zayn watched Niall give him a look and then scramble to his feet, picking up his snapback and placing it back over his unruly hair, giggling softly and sweeping Josh up in a hug and a “good timing, mate. You alright, yeah?” before he walked over to the door.  

“Park? Fifteen minutes?”

Zayn nodded, still a little stunned, stretched and just as Josh opened his mouth to ask he dived in to the bathroom to get in the shower, fumbling out an excuse about being pressed with time.

___

“It’s not easy, you know,” Zayn uncomfortably pulled his hand through his still damp hair, frowning at Niall, “doing your hair and getting dressed when your roommate is trying to interrogate you.”

Niall laughed and stopped them both, placing himself in front of Zayn to have a look, his brows furrowed as he swatted Zayn’s hands away, “here, let me,” he pulled his fingers through Zayn’s hair, softly brushing against his scalp, taking a step back when he was done to admire his work, “pretty fucking good,” he nodded in approval and there was this urge in Zayn to take that step forward and kiss him, nothing too much, he just craved the touch but with all the people around he resigned to suck his lip in between his teeth and bite down, holding back.

They usually sat in the middle of the little park and it would normally take about five minutes before they were surrounded by people but today Niall pulled them further in, a bit more in the shade, almost hidden under a tree and Zayn raised an eyebrow in question as they sat down, watched the other boy shrug.

“Sometimes a bit of privacy is nice,” he flung his arm around Zayn’s shoulders and they both leaned back against the tree and he again felt that surge in his stomach that made him want to tilt his head back and press their lips together, “and I was…” so he interrupted Niall by doing just that, silencing him with a kiss and a shiver ran through him when he felt the other boy adjust so that he could reach better, the arm around his shoulder gripping a little tighter and his tongue pushing softly, begging for entrance.

Kissing Niall was different, it was the brush of stubble against his skin, the big hands guiding his body just right and that warmth and light that was Niall, and in a kiss it became even more prominent; it felt right and safe but at the same time thrilling and new so it was with a lot of effort he finally pulled away, earning a disapproving grunt from the blonde.

“People…” Zayn nodded out across the park, a little surprised that no one had called them out on it yet and when he looked back up at Niall the other boy’s brows were furrowed and he looked almost confused.

“I don’t give a fuck about what people think,” he smiled a little, cleared his throat, voice laced with laughter, “in fact,” he pushed against Zayn, “I think bagging the most sought after guy on campus is quite an accomplishment!”

Zayn’s laugh was muffled against warm lips and even though he maybe cared a little about what people thought, it felt too nice to pull away and he again got that surge in his stomach, the one that had him deepen the kiss, press a little closer, use his tongue a bit more and it was Niall who pulled away this time, breathless.

“Christ,” Niall hugged him a little closer, “I guess the rumours were true.”

“What’s that?”

“Oh, the rumours about you, love.”

“And what are those?”

“That you really do know how to use those perfect lips of yours!”

Zayn laughed and was just about to say the same thing back when a shadow was cast over them and a girl cleared her throat, awkward smile and brown hair,  _(Hannah, Zayn thought, or maybe Heather.)_        

“Hayley! What can we do for you?”

“There’s this party…”

“Yeah?”

Niall stood up and inched closer to her, lifting his cap with one hand and running the other one through his unruly hair, breathing out a soft laugh when the girl blushed and handed him a piece of paper, which he took and studied for a second before looking at her again, glint in his eyes.

“Tonight, yeah?”

“Yes… do you think you can make it?” 

“Will you be there, hun?” 

“Yes…” 

“I’ll try my very best then, won’t I?” 

He sat back down again as she turned to walk away and smiled at Zayn before he shoved the piece of paper in his pocket. 

“Hey, Hayley?” 

She swirled around and looked at him and he  _(the little fucker, Zayn thought_ ) winked at her and smiled a crooked smile.

“I really like that skirt on you, love! You’ve got amazing legs!” 

Zayn didn’t think he’d ever seen someone blush as deep red as she did when Niall hollered “Work it, girl,” as she walked away and he turned to the blonde boy next to him, his hand landing on Niall’s leg, squeezing a little too firmly.

“Can’t help it, hey?” 

“Huh?” He genuinely looked confused and Zayn just shook his head at him, rolled his eyes;

“Come on, let’s just get going! Lou’s, yeah?” 

He grabbed Niall’s hand and pulled him up, almost stumbling in to him in the process and that earned him a smirk followed by a smile and a pat on his bum just before a loud laugh, - that would’ve been obnoxious,- if it wasn’t for the fact that Niall snaked an arm around his waist and softly brushes their lips together in a quick kiss.

 

__

“How cute is it, though?”

Louis was prancing around the shop with the new kettle in his hand and Zayn rolled his eyes, already having had to look at it three times in the span of the thirty minutes they’d been there.

“It’s very sweet, Lou-bear, I just don’t need to see it again,” Niall swatted at the kettle that was currently held up right in front of his face and leaned back on the sofa, pulling Zayn with him.

“But he just gave it to me, just like that, ‘cause he remembered that mine broke!”

“If you smile any wider, mate, I swear your face is gonna split in two! So it was a good night, then?”

Louis nodded, crawled up on the desk and folded his legs, placing the kettle right next to the till, “it was fucking perfect. I’m glad I didn’t listen to you, crashing that party was the best thing I’ve ever done!”

The happiness was radiating off of him and Zayn smiled, curled in a little closer to Niall, “I’m glad you finally got with him, Lou,” he put his hand on top of Niall’s that was resting on his stomach, “although to be honest I thought this would make you maybe shut up about him but I guess that won’t happen!”   

“He’ll be back here in a bit, maybe half hour or so,” the door pinged and Louis looked up but his face fell when it was just a customer and he hopped off the desk, walked over and Zayn’s focus was again on the boy he was leaned back against.

“He’s very happy,” he noted as he entwined his fingers with Niall’s, angled his face back so that he could look into his eyes and he hadn’t intended to kiss him, but when his lips were so close it was too hard not to.

It was a lazy kiss and Niall smiled against his lips and that made Zayn smile too, nudge his nose against the other boy’s before he deepened the kiss, angling up a bit, running his tongue over his lips, sucking and biting softly and he got so lost in it that time seemed to stop again, Niall was the only thing that mattered, forgetting where they were and what they should or shouldn’t be doing and it was so weird that there were butterflies in his stomach over this boy that had been his friend for ages and that all he wanted to do was stay attached to him, not ever stop kissing him.

“So I see you guys finally hooked up!”

Louis’ voice pulled him out and back to reality and he tried to bite down on his lip to stop smiling so big but he just couldn’t, and of course it got even worse when he could see Niall’s smile out of the corner of his eyes as the blonde nudged against him and connected their lips again.

“Ew,” Louis stated and Zayn could hear him walk away and he knew that he should try to tear himself off of the other boy but that seemed like more effort than to just keep kissing him so instead he adjusted himself a little so that he could reach better without twisting his head off his shoulders.

It was a bit nerve-wracking, he thought, as Niall hummed softly against his lips, that they were kissing in front of Louis, so soon, that whatever this was, was now out in the open for people to see when he had no idea what they were even doing.

He again got hit with how weird it was that he was kissing his best mate, that it should feel wrong but it really didn’t, that all those nights desperately muffling moans against each other with fumbling hands had maybe meant more than he thought they’d done and then his whole body jerked when he got slammed in the face with the realisation that next time they were in that situation it would be so incredibly different and the thought of it was so intense that he had to pull away and slowly shake his head, rub his hands on his legs to clear his mind, to calm himself down but Niall was having none of it; instead he found himself being pulled further into the other boy’s lap, back pressed against his chest and Niall’s lips were on his neck, nibbling, biting.

“What are you thinking about, love?” 

It was the fact that there were soft bites and lips at his neck, that his blood was starting to rush down and gather in the middle, that he could  _feel_  the outline of Niall against him that made him ever so slightly grind down, turn his head and mumble “what do you think I’m thinking about?” against his lips and Niall looked stunned for a second before he grabbed around Zayn’s waist and lifted him off, making him huff out a breath as he was plopped down next to Niall instead, the blonde looking at him with a new sort of warmth in his eyes, more burning this time.

Niall rubbed a hand over his face and adjusted himself, glanced over at Zayn and shook his head, smiling “Christ,” before he looked around, eyes landing on Louis who was at the other end of the shop and then Zayn found himself pressed down on the sofa with a leg between his own, rubbing against him in the most frustrating way and he let out a surprised grunt that was suffocated against Niall’s lips, all that energy exploding and his hands found the back of Niall’s neck, fingers digging in.

“Hey, hey, hey!!” the sofa jerked when Louis kicked it, “Oi!! It’s starting to look like the beginning of a bad porno that I really have no interest in watching!” Zayn sat back up as Niall pulled away and they both watched Louis hop up on the desk again, “besides,” he wrinkled his nose, “I sit on that sofa,” he made this disapproving noise in the back of his throat, “gross!” and Zayn’s laugh mixed with Niall’s.

“Sorry, mate, we’ll stop,” Niall flung his arm around Zayn’s shoulders and smiled, “so do you fancy putting that brilliant kettle of yours to use and make us a cuppa?”  

“Sure,” Louis jumped off the desk again and then turned on his way out to the little kitchen, “hang on,” he stopped and fixed his eyes on Niall, “this better not be an excuse to get rid of me so you can keep doing… that,” he gestured with his hand and Zayn could hear him huff as Niall’s lips were on him again.

“You know,” Niall spoke between kisses, “this is really nice,” he pecked Zayn’s nose, “like,” he furrowed his brows, “I know it should be weird,” he grazed his lips along Zayn’s jaw, “but it’s really not.” he moved down a little and nudge Zayn’s chin with his nose, making him angle his head back and then he trailed his lips down his neck and Zayn felt his eyes roll back a little, his fingers digging into Niall’s arm and that uncomfortable straining against his jeans getting worse, “like… I feel like I could just keep going,” Niall kissed up his neck and found his mouth again, little more urgent this time and it was Zayn who pulled away with a gasp.

“We need to slow down,” he couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward and pecking Niall’s nose “I need us to slow down or it really is gonna turn into a bad porno,” he felt the tug of a smile and when he met Niall’s gaze his eyes looked darker somehow.

“It wouldn’t be a bad one.”

“Tea!” Louis’ voice sounded from across the room as he hurried towards them, “you know,” he handed Niall his cup first, “usually I don’t mind PDA but I don’t think my customers will approve,” Zayn grabbed the cup that was held out for him.

“What customers?” Niall stuck his tongue out and the door pinged just as Louis poked his tongue right back at him and said “see?” as he turned and then his face lit up and he all but skipped over to the lanky curly haired boy stood in the door, matching his smile. He stopped right in front of him and they both looked like they didn’t quite know what to do at first, and then Louis got up on his toes and snaked his arms around Harry’s neck, hugging him close and Zayn’s smile widened as he took a sip of his far too sweet tea; they looked just right together.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave some feedback, it really helps and this is the fic I enjoy working on the most right now, so if you like reading it, please let me know.  
> Constructive criticism is also always very welcome!  
> Thanks for reading! xx


	4. Louis

 

 

 

"Fuck!"

Louis looked up at Liam through hooded eyes; he could see drips of sweat sticking to his own eyelashes, feel his muscles strain and protest and cursed again, pushed through it, blinked away the blurry.

"Just one more, you can do it!"

"It's just my fucking luck though, innit?" Louis grunted and nodded for Liam to help him put the bar back before he sat up on the bench, wiped at his forehead and took a couple of deep breaths, arms aching, "it's just typical!"  
He stood up and took the towel that Liam handed him, wiped his neck before he fell face down into a push up, "just fucking typical! Bloody brilliant!"

"You know," Liam sat back down by the desk, spun the chair around to face Louis, "you've been here for about," he checked his watch, " forty-seven minutes now and as much as I like you dropping by to do an un-booked and probably free session in my flat rather than at the gym in the midst of my studying I'd really like to know what it is you're actually talking about… well," he shrugged, "… either that or stop complaining and swearing. Ten more."

Louis rolled over on his back and gritted his teeth together, still out of breath and still so very annoyed. It wasn't necessarily directed towards Harry, he was more pissed at the universe and the world they lived in.

"I told you about Harry, right?"

"Yes. Do another ten."

"You know, the kid that…"

"Yes," Liam interrupted, "you’ve told everyone with ears and the will to listen about Harry. What happened now?"

"So we had this amazing evening…"

"I know."

"… and we... Hang on. What do you mean 'you know'?"

"Niall told me."

"Oh." Louis got up from the floor and ignored Liam's nod towards the pull up bar, "anyways, I saw him today, right."

"Right."

"And everything was fucking perfect and then I asked if he wanted to come with to this house party tonight and he said no…"

"Doesn't sound like the end of the world."

"…'cause he's having dinner with his dad…"

"Still doesn't sound too bad."

…that's 'cause you won't let me finish!"

"Sorry."

"So his dad constantly tries to set him up with these girls, like posh annoying people you know, rich kids."

"I thought Harry was rich?"

Louis huffed, feeling oddly insulted, "it's different. He's not that kind of person."

"Alright. So then what?"

Louis rolled back over again and continued with the push ups, talking through gritted teeth.  
"There's no 'then what', there's only the fact that he's being set up with some posh perfect beautiful girl that his dad adores and I'll never…"  
He sunk down on the floor, face in the carpet, big sigh, mouth full of dust.

"Just another round of ten," Liam instructed, kicking his foot out to poke at Louis' waist, "and you're better than some posh girl, you know that, right? From what I've heard from Niall he's really into you. Faster. You're slacking." 

Liam got up and put a hand on Louis' back, pressing down, making it harder to push up, making his arms shake and he cursed under his breath and for a second all he could feel was the pull in his muscles and the metallic taste in his mouth, - they may not be in the gym but forty minutes with Liam was still forty minutes with Liam and his arms were aching.  
He rolled over on his back when Liam finished counting twenty and let go, he was out of breath but that only kept his mind from rotating back to Harry for a minute.

"I cannot believe his dad, though. Like, what? Are there really still people out there that think you fall in love with someone your parents set you up with?"

"Not everyone is as open as you and the people we hang out with, you know. Pull ups."

"True."

Louis slowly sat up, feeling the pull in his abs and grunting, eyes landing on the purple curtains and he held back an eye-roll.

"How's Dani?"

"Yeah, she's good," Liam got up and walked in a small circle, "really good," he rubbed at his neck, "everything's good."

Louis raised an eyebrow as he got up from the floor and leaned against the desk, "that's a lot of 'good's in one sentence, Li."

"I know…" he shrugged unhappily, "it's nothing. It's just…"

Louis walked over to the pull up bar, most of his attention still on Liam.

"Go on."

"Well…. She wants us to get a cat together."

Louis stopped mid-pull up, breathed out _"fuck,"_ before he let go and landed on his feet, stretching his arms over his head, "but you're a dog-person!"

"I don't mind cats," he nodded towards the bar, "keep going."

Louis ignored him and sat down on the floor, back leaned against the wall and he gestures for Liam to hand him the bottle of water, deciding that he'd had enough, sure that he'd feel the pull in his muscles in the morning.

"Yeah, but Liam, how are you even going to find the time to take care of a cat? And last I checked you weren't even sure you wanted to stay here, let alone stay with Dani?"

Liam shrugged, rubbed at his neck and sat down on the floor opposite of Louis.

"She thinks it'll be good for us, that it'll bring us closer. She reckons we should do up this room to be half-storage and also somewhere to have the cat's stuff…" he scratched at his head, "whatever that means."

"But this is _your_ room, Li!" Louis looked around the small room, everything about it shouted Liam; there were comics stuffed away in one of the many bookshelves, magazines on healthy living, books on various subjects, notes on his studies, gym equipment, a picture of him, Niall and Louis, looking far from normal but so happy and it made Louis go a little cold. It wasn't like he disliked Danielle, he just didn't _like_ her. She was too controlling and too strong in the sense that Liam would lose himself in her, - it wasn't "we" it was "she".

"You have to compromise in a healthy relationship," Liam picked at the towel, he had that detached look on his face that made Louis really uncomfortable, the one where he wasn't really speaking words of his own, rather something he'd been told to say.  
All Liam seemed to do was compromise, he'd even gotten those damn purple curtains with little white dots on them that he absolutely hated; that had been another argument he'd just given up.

"But you've got purple curtains!"

"What?"

"Purple!" Louis nodded towards the curtain, suddenly frustrated and he got up on his feet, pulled his hand through his hair.

"They're more like a light blue with a bit of black and red in them."

Louis shook his head, "otherwise known as purple. And you _hate_ dots," he sighed, "there's a difference between compromise and being bossed around, Li."

Liam gnawed on his lip, his eyes focused on the floor, "I don't mind so much, we're starting the decorating next week."

"This is a bad idea."

"Says the guy who's falling in love with a millionaire who's supposedly straight." 

"Ugh!" Louis banged his head against the wall and picked up one of the dumb bells, "I know!"

"So you're worried?"

"About you or about Harry?"

"Harry."

"Not worried," he sucked his lip in, metal calming against his tongue, "more annoyed than worried. I just need to not think about it all the time!"

"If you're so upset about it why don't you just go shag someone like always… like…can't you just go to one of the club you people go to? Find someone and…"

"My people?" Louis quirked an eyebrow at Liam as he put down the dumbbell and picked the towel off the floor, "and who exactly are 'my people', Liam?"

"Well, you know…"

"Do tell."

"Well…"

"So just 'cause I'm gay I have 'people' now, eh?" He air-quoted dramatically and wiped the towel over his neck, frowned.

"I didn't mean…"

"And these people go to clubs and what… shag in the toilets?"

"That's not what I…"

"What, so gay guys are never committed? Is that what you're saying? That we can't be trusted? That it's just like 'oh, hey, you're hot.' 'Yeah, you too.' 'Fancy a shag?' 'Yeah, alright mate.' "

"I…"

"Like that guy with all the piercings last year," Louis licked his tongue out, swept it over his lips, "he was crazy, that one. Amazing mouth on him, though!"

"But…"

"Oh my God, I don't think I've even had a blowjob like that since, fucking perfect, that was." 

"Too much info, Lou!"

"Wait, what? You were the one who asked! I never even got his name, or at least I can't remember it…"

"So I was right?"

"What?"

"You people really do just have sex in the toilets of clubs."

"Is that what you think of gay guys? That all we do is fuck around?"

Liam let his head fall against the wall, "Jesus, Lou!"

__

 

It wasn't until much later when he was lying face down on his floor that it really hit him that Harry could be falling for someone else right now, that this might actually bring the little time they'd had together to an end and he grabbed his phone from under the sofa where it had landed when he'd thrown it across the room in an attempt to not text the boy. He didn't get up though, not until he started sneezing from all the dust and he'd run through all the different possibilities, staring at the screen and then the floor, and then the screen again and he actually jumped and banged his nose on the carpet when it lit up with a new message.

Cursing, he got up and slumped down on the sofa, silently promising that he'd vacuum tomorrow, rubbing at his nose and he flinched when another message came through, and then one more.

 Harry - _So she is really pretty._

 Harry _\- She is very well-spoken._

Louis rolled his eyes as more messages came through, his stomach suddenly cramping in the weirdest way and he rubbed at it, curled his legs up to his chest.

 Harry _\- My father loves her._

 Harry - _There is absolutely nothing wrong with her._

 Harry _\- Yet I just poured all the milk down the drain so that I would get an excuse to leave for a minute._

 Harry _– I told my father that I would quickly drive to the shop and get milk for the coffee._

 Harry _– I hope the shop underneath your flat sells it._

Louis had to read the last message three times before the cramp in his stomach turned cold and he jumped up from the sofa and rushed to the mirror, grabbed a snapback and placed in on top of his unruly hair and after wiping under his eyes he straightened out his clothes. One quick glance around his flat he decided that there was no way in hell he'd let Harry see it like this.

His phone rang as he was putting his shoes on and he ran back into the living room and tried to pick up just as it disconnected and he swore, grabbed his keys and pressed call back and holding his phone pressed against his ear with his shoulder he opened his door to run downstairs but instead shrieked at the tall boy stood right outside, right in front of him, which in turn made Harry stumble and gasp and then they just stood there for a second, Louis with his keys in his hands and a wild look in his eyes and Harry just kind of shocked.

"How did you get upstairs?"

"Sorry, the door downstairs was open and you told me where you lived so…This really isn't a very safe area, is it?"

And then the blood rushed back to Louis' brain and he quickly shoved his phone down his pocket and closed the gap between them and hugged Harry close, so happy to see him and he smiled at Harry's surprised giggle.

"I can't stay, I just… well…" he seemed to struggle to find words and pulled his hand through his hair, shaking the curls out before his focus was on Louis again, "I like you and I know you're going to this party tonight and I guess I just wanted you to know that I…" He unhappily shrugged, fiddling with the bag in his hand and Louis reached out and touched at the paper-plane necklace.

"Not so free after all, eh?" he felt Harry's fingers on top of his, soft touch, searching eyes and that look on his face brought him back down, feeling like he'd been oddly detached without realizing it, only feeling grounded when Harry was all he could see.

And so he smiled up at him, eyes landing on his lips, a flash of _‘what the hell‘_ running through his mind before he pulled slightly on the necklace; "is it OK if I just kiss you real quick before you go?"

He watched as those lips quirked up in a smile and felt the same smile on his own face before he kind of shook his head and pressed his mouth against Harry's; his hand running up to grip Harry’s hair as he hummed into the kiss, butterflies mixed with that calm that Harry seemed to bring him.

“I really need to go,” Harry pulled away, slight pout on his lips and Louis sighed; it was not ideal but it was better than nothing and he nodded, leaned up one last time and pressed a kiss against Harry’s cheek.

“Well if you can get away later you should come to the party, it’s Friday night after all. Niall’s going to be there, and Zayn and it’s at a nice house.” Louis scratched at his head, “well maybe not as nice as your house, but it’s nice enough.”

Harry smiled as he turned to leave, slowly walking down the stairs.

“I’ll try, I might be able to get away for a little bit, depending on my father's mood.”

“Ok, just…” Louis suddenly felt a weird sense of loss, “text me later, ok?”

“I will!” he heard Harry shout out a "see you later," before the door downstairs slammed shut and he turned around, fished his keys out and walked into his flat again, briefly considered returning to his previous position on the floor but instead he wandered out in his kitchen, frowned at the dishes piling up and decided on pizza.

 

\--

 

“You should've called me, though, I would’ve loved to have pizza, regardless of the toppings! We’ve only had lunch today, I’m starving!”

Trust Niall to turn a quick "I just had pizza," into a full on conversation about different toppings and crusts that had now lasted for over ten minutes.

Louis shook his head at the boy and took a sip of his beer. They were stood in the kitchen of Hayley’s house; Niall had his arm thrown over Zayn’s shoulders, a beer in his hand and strings of unruly hair peeking out from the green snapback.

"We did have two lunches though," Zayn added, beer in one hand and the other behind Niall, probably down his back pocket and Louis was a little surprised that he seemed to be the only one to pick up on the changes between the two boys.

"Doesn't count," Niall smiled and shrugged, "still hungry!"   

“We can order some pizza!” Hayley was next to Louis and he’d already felt so much second-hand embarrassment for her that he didn’t think he could handle anymore, she was practically throwing herself at Niall and at every chance she could get she tried to touch, please or get his attention, - which to a certain level was entertaining, but had gone past the point of that now and travelled into the area where Louis had to really _really_ bite his tongue to not tell her to give up and go away.

“Pizza would be great! Dominos?” 

Louis smiled around his bottle of beer and kicked his foot out to poke at Niall,

“I guess the way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach, eh?” and at that Hayley was gone to go order food and Niall smiled, leaned to the side and placed a chaste kiss against Zayn’s temple, making the darker boy frown and wipe at his skin, muttering about ’beer lips’, to which Niall laughed and smacked him right on the mouth, wet and loud and Louis looked away after pointedly adding a “ew” to the conversation.

"So what did you guys do after you left my shop?"

Niall returned his attention to Louis, he was practically glowing with happiness and as much as he usually looked happy, this was different. There was such an intense energy between the two of them that it almost hurt to look at.  

"We went for a run, went for lunch…"

"Did some studying and had another lunch because apparently one isn't enough for this one here,"

"Heey," Niall pushed against Zayn, "I worked out twice today, I was hungry!"

"You're gonna get fat, mate."

Niall feigned shock and pouted, "I thought you loved my body!"

Zayn smile at him and they somehow ended up face to face, his hand clearly in Niall's back pocket and Louis looked away and loudly cleared his throat, interrupting Zayn's "I do love your body," which was said in a very soft voice that sounded far too muffled.

"How about you, Lou?"   

“Heeeey! Nialler!” Niall arched an eyebrow at the interruption and his name being shouted and for once he didn’t light up at the sight of the boys walking in to the kitchen and Louis took a sip of his beer as he studied them, remembering one of them but not able to place him and Niall not being happy to see someone was something that did not happen often.

“Hi Mike, Scotty, Jamie.” at his name Louis remembered, Mike as in Mike and Lauren, as in the reason why Niall quite often was kept up at night trying to comfort and fix a broken heart and he watched as Niall kind of nodded a hello and edged a little closer to Zayn, “you guys alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good, I’m good,” Mike walked up and leaned against the counter next to Louis while the others gather around them, one of them giving Niall a quick hug, which he returned half-heartedly,

“Where's all the beer?" he looked around the room, "and how are you, Nialler? I heard you took care of her the other night, thanks, mate! I couldn’t handle all the bloody crying anymore so I told her to leave!”

"Women, hey?" The guy on Louis' side spoke through a mouthful of popcorn.

"At least there are plenty of new ones here!"

Two of the guys high-fived right in front of Louis' face and he frowned, supressed an eye-roll and settled on just throwing a glance at Niall, the annoyance clear on his face. Louis remembered Zayn referring to this group of guys as 'the meatheads' and he couldn't agree more.

"So did you get with her?" Mike's focus was on Niall and Louis watched as the blonde boy arched an eyebrow.

"Would you care?"

"Nah, not really. Her makeup was everywhere and she was in a right state when she left my room! I'm surprised you even let her in, you know how girls get!"

Niall crossed his arms in front of him, slowly eyeing Mike, one eyebrow still quirked up.

“I don’t mate, why don’t you enlighten me.”

“Huh?”

“I said that I don’t know how ’girls’ get, why don’t you tell me.”

There was a sort of challenge to his tone that Louis recognized from many times before; Niall was the kind of guy who wore everything on the outside and he was mainly filled with laughter and love, so seeing him like this only really happened when someone he cared about had gotten hurt.  

“You know, all crying and needy and stuff!” Mike laughed awkwardly; pushing his elbow into Louis’ side to nudge a laugh out of him but Louis merely moved a step to the side.

“Oh, alright!” Niall let out a small laugh, “I didn’t realize that that's what you meant," he smiled, "see I didn't know it was a girly thing to do, I remember you crying and pining after Alicia last year, much more of a mess than Lauren!”

Mike’s smile disappeared as fast as it had gotten there and he straightened up.

“Are you calling me a girl?”

“No,” Niall shrugged, looked unfazed, “see, being a girl is not an insult… - ”

“Whatever.”

“… - being a dick is, though. If I was to call you anything, it‘d be that."

"Right!" one of Mike's friends stepped in and pulled at his arm, "I saw Lucy out there, hot as fuck! Let's go, yeah!?"

Louis watched them leave and turned to Niall,

"You don't like them, eh?"

"Not in the slightest, mate."

Zayn hopped up on the kitchen-counter and pulled Niall in towards him, back against chest, "they're dicks," he added, "fucks over so many girls," Zayn shrugged, his hands traveling down Niall's shoulders to hug him a little closer and Louis was just about to tell them to keep their hands in check when Hayley walked in to the kitchen, balancing four pizza boxes and Niall quickly stepped in to grab them from her and put them down on the counter.

"I can't believe you actually got pizza!" he hugged her, "you're the best!" and as she beamed at him Louis rolled his eyes and grabbed his beer before he walked out in to the living room, not hungry and not in the mood for more embarrassment, knowing that the alcohol lulled his capability to hold back and stay quiet when something was just so cringe worthy that it should be stopped.

It wasn't even that late yet, the sun wasn’t completely down but people around him seemed a lot more drunk than what you'd think they'd be and Louis suddenly felt very old, scratching at his neck and sinking down on the sofa, beer in one hand and he fished him phone out with the other, smiled as he saw a message from Harry.

 Harry – _It was really good to see you. Does that sound silly?_

Louis quickly typed a message back, sucking his lip in between his teeth, trying to stop the stupid smile he could feel spreading.

 - was gd to see u 2, it doesnt sound silly at all!

As he pressed 'send' he re-read his message and mentally face-palmed, making a note to maybe use better grammar when texting a very well-raised boy in the future.

 Harry – _We're just about to finish here and then I'll just have to wait for her to say goodbye to my father and then I'm driving her home, the address of the house you sent me is quite close to her place so I can drop by for a little bit._

 - cool! I'll see you in a bit!

Louis took another sip of his beer and a calm sort of happiness settled inside of him, it was still odd the effect this boy had, and he couldn't quite decide whether he liked it or not. He wasn't too happy about the fact that this clearly had to stay hidden for now, but even though he hadn't known Harry for that long, it somehow felt like it was worth it.

 

__

 

One hour and three beers later he was still sat on the sofa, one girl on each side of him, chattering in his ears, giving him a slight headache; they smelled too sweet so he'd ended up mostly breathing through his mouth for the past hour, to drown some of it out. He'd tried to go back and join Niall and Zayn but the kitchen had turned into a political warzone and he'd left before he'd gotten dragged into it. He loved how much it mattered to both Niall and Zayn how people were treated, - but it was Friday night and he just wanted mindless chatter, preferably something that didn't make his head hurt.

 

"I like this one," a long, acrylic, mint-green nail trailed the rope that was tattooed around his wrist and a small shudder ran through him as he pinched her finger from his arm and firmly put it down in her lap, "what does it mean?"

"It's when I need… " Louis sucked his lip in, swallowing down what was about to burst out of his mouth, - he didn't need to tell her that in situations like these he wished that it was a real rope so that he could just hang himself and get out of this conversation, "it doesn't really stand for anything, love. I just liked the way it looked."

He'd gotten it when he was sixteen, right around the same time he was coming out, it symbolized the way he'd felt tied back and held down by people around him, now though, it was more of a reminder that however much people try to tie you to a certain norm the ropes will eventually break.

"I get it," she beamed up at him, the alcohol in her breath making his eyes sting, "it's too private, right?"

"I think I'm gonna go find Niall."

"No, no," her hand was on his wrist again and he sighed, "stay just a little longer, like… what does this one mean?" her finger pointed at the paper plane. 

"Look, Elise…"

"Eleanor," she corrected and a slight pout made her lips kind of funnily shaped.

"Look, honey," Louis started over again, "there are plenty of guys around here," he gazed around the room, eyes landing on a decent-looking guy standing over by the computer, fiddling with the music, "take him over there, for example, why don't you go talk to him?" he offered.

"But I wanna talk to you!" and Louis sighed once more, the subtle hints he'd dropped the past hour hadn't done anything to get her away from him and he looked at her properly for the first time, suddenly remembering her, it was the same almost every party and he tried to think of what way he hadn't used to get rid of her yet; the beer in his blood deciding on the easiest way.

"I like cock, love. You'll have a much better chance with him."

Her mouth fell open for a second before she gathered herself.

"Are you sure?"

"Last time I checked, yeah. And I'm pretty sure I've told you that before as well."

The girl kind of shrugged, "I just thought you were joking," she scooted a little closer.

"And that's my cue to leave."

Louis got up from the sofa and walked across the room and out in the garden, checking his phone once again and taking another swig of his beer.

This was strange, usually he had so much fun at these kind of parties, the music was playing loudly, there were people all around him, a few guys he recognized and knew he could easily strike up a conversation, - or more, with, yet all he wanted was for Harry to show up.

He saw Niall on the opposite side of the grass and was about to go over before he spotted Zayn sat down not too far away from him.

"You alright?"

He grabbed a chair and pulled it up next to Zayn's, followed his gaze even though he knew where it would land and watched as Niall laughed and swept the blonde girl in front of him up in a hug.

"He looks happy, eh?"

Zayn's voice was a little raspy from the alcohol and Louis sat down, took a swig of his beer and nodded,

"He does," he scratched at his neck, "he always looks happy, though."

"Yeah…" Zayn dragged his words out, "but like… like this… surrounded by a whole bunch of people, I think that’s what makes him happy," he shrugged, turned to Louis.

"How are you, Lou? Is Harry still on that dinner-date thing?"

"Mmm…" Louis nodded and took a sip of his beer, "he's coming here in a bit."

"That's great, I'm really happy for you, you know."

"Yeah…"

They sat in silence for a while; Louis had always admired Niall's ease with people and watching him from across the grass it was almost painful to see how carefree he was as he chatted away, how he touched people, how they all seemed to circle around him and he again looked at Zayn, his lip was sucked in between his teeth, slight frown and tense shoulders.

"He's different with them compared to how he is with you." Harry's voice right behind them made them both jump and Louis fumbled up from the chair and took in the sight of the taller boy; tight black jeans, fitted T-shirt and a black suit-jacket on top of it, - he definitely looked out of place but oh so good.

Zayn was the first one who swept him up in a hug with a "good to see you, mate, glad you could make it," as Louis still struggled with the simple task of breathing in his presence. 

"Thanks, it's good to see you too! I can't really stay for that long though, just wanted to say hi," Harry's eyes landed on Louis and at that moment Louis had to use all his willpower to not lean up and lick into the dimple in his cheek and instead settled for a quick hug.

"How long do you have?"

"About ten minutes, I guess," he moved a little closer to Louis, "how's it been so far? Good party?"

Louis nodded and let himself be pulled down in Harry's lap on the chair, his gaze again landing on Zayn, watching him as he absentmindedly sat back down, eyes still fixed on Niall and he flinched a little when Harry's arms snaked around his waist but then he leaned back into the touch, a little surprised at the affection but looking around it was fairly certain that no one that moved in the circle of Harry's dad would be at a party like this.

It was an innocent enough thing to do, but feeling Harry's body against his felt sinfully good and he got the sudden urge to be alone with him, if they only had ten minutes he wanted every second to count.   

"Do you think you could drive me home?"

"Sure," Harry pushed against him to get up, "we have to leave now, then. Otherwise I'll be late."

"You leaving, mate?" Zayn got up and Louis smiled as he was pulled into a hug, feeling a little bad to leave Zayn on his own.

"Yeah, or I could stay if…"

"Don't worry," Zayn smiled, "I understand."

"Come to the shop for a bit tomorrow, yeah?" Louis turned to Harry, "you ready?"

"Yeah…" Harry nodded, "just…" and then he made both Zayn and Louis jump again when he hollered "Hey Niall!!"  

Niall's head snapped up and a huge smile spread over his face as he spotted Harry and he all but skipped over, sweeping the taller boy up in a tight embrace.

"So glad you're here, Louis is a lot happier with you around!" Harry laughed and looked far too pleased when Niall's arm moved from him to Zayn, holding the other boy close and mumbling something in his ear before he turned his attention to Harry again.

"I thought you had that date-thing today?"

"I did, yes. I just dropped her off."

"Cool," Niall smiled, "do you want a beer?"

Harry shook his head, took a step closer to Louis, "No thank you, I can't, I'm driving." His arm brushed against Louis' bare skin and it made a shudder run through him, growing desperate to get the boy alone.

"Aw, that sucks!"

"Really does, yeah," Louis pulled at Harry's arm, suddenly impatient, "come on!"

Harry only had time for a half-hearted 'goodbye' as Louis dragged him in through the house and then out on the other side where all the cars were parked, leaving the two boys behind and he looked around before he pulled Harry in to his arms.

"That was really sweet, what you did."

Harry shrugged, "they belong together."

"Yeah," Louis' hand found the paper plane necklace and he pulled at it, Harry's face inching close to his, butterflies in his stomach and as he mumbled "they really do," he wasn't entirely sure if he was still talking about Niall and Zayn.  

      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always very welcome!  
> Comments are very inspiring but if you can't be bummed with that click the little kudos thingy so that I at least know you liked it. (if you did, that is!)  
> Thanks for reading! xx


	5. Zayn

 

He woke up to stubble scraping against his shoulder and soft puffs of air tickling his neck; the smell of alcohol strong and sort of stinging, confused for a second as to where he was and why the sun was blinding him even though he was sure he’d only slept for an hour or two.

He slowly turned his head to the side, blue eyes meeting his; sleepy and a little foggy and he was hit by the memory of them both stumbling in to Niall’s room, landing on the bed all tangled up and he guessed that they must have fallen asleep like that.

He felt Niall pull his arm free from underneath him and the motion made his body rock; a movement that caused his head spin just a little and he licked his tongue out, dry lips and mouth tasting of vodka.  

"I can’t actually feel it…" Niall had his arm stretched out in front of him, intently watching his own fist clenching and unclenching; “isn’t that funny? Like… I can move it… but it feels so heavy," his voice was raspy and deep, “or actually… I can’t feel that it’s heavy but I think it is… so fucking weird…"

Zayn swallowed, cleared his throat, again tasting alcohol and he pulled himself up, tried to untangle their legs and almost fell over standing up, his balance completely off. He glanced at the giggling boy on the bed and steadied himself on the wall, “I think I’m still a bit drunk."

Niall laughed and held on to Zayn for support as he got up from the bed, legs seeming just as wobbly, “Yeah…" he shrugged and then almost fell over, “me too."

Zayn walked over to the small bathroom, grabbing the mouthwash and watched as Niall fumbled with his toothbrush, giggling around a mouth full of foam and he questioned how he’d ever ended up with such an idiot.

It took them both a bit of time to sort themselves out, making a complete mess in Niall’s bathroom as they washed up.

Zayn sat on the bed with his back against the wall a little later, watching as Niall pulled the curtains and made the room at least semi-dark. He rubbed at his face, feeling a lot more focused than he’d expected to feel at five in the morning after far too many drinks, the cold water having helped with that.

His eyes were still on Niall as the blonde boy pulled his shirt over his head and he felt the way those muscles moved all the way down to his bones; no one should be allowed to look that good.

There was a small smile playing over Niall’s lips as he walked over to the bed and instead of crawling in next to Zayn he straddled him and Zayn was a little amazed at how automatic it felt when his hands landed on Niall’s hips; like they were meant to be there.

"Good party, right?" Niall’s voice was still a little raspy but yet somehow honey-smooth and Zayn nodded, his thumbs grazing softly just above the waistband of Niall’s jeans.

"Good party," he agreed and then furrowed his brows, “at least as far as I can remember."

His focus kept jumping between Niall’s lips and the way his muscles seemed to move under his skin, that constant dull urge to touch, to be touched started growing inside of him in a throbbing, more intense way and he smiled as Niall leaned forward, nudging their lips together; a different sort of drunk now.

"You taste like mouthwash and tequila," it was mumbled against his mouth and Zayn giggled before he straightened his back a little so that he could reach better;

"And you taste like toothpaste and beer."

Niall hummed, deepened the kiss and the brush of his tongue against Zayn’s made them both gasp, the alcohol somehow making everything feel just a little more, just right and Zayn lifted his arms up when Niall started tugging at his shirt, fumbling and helping and giggling when it didn’t go quite as smoothly as it could have gone, hands drunkenly clumsy.

It made a dull thumping sound as it landed on the floor and he felt his blood heat as he watched Niall eyeing him, drinking in his bare skin and then pushing against his chest, making him lean back.

"I wanna do something…" Niall’s voice somehow sounded darker than usual; raspy from alcohol and groggy with lust, "…I’ve been wanting to for the longest time… just need you to lie back, love."  

Zayn didn’t really know what he’d expected, it wasn’t like they’d never done anything before, but it had always been fumbling hands with no real build up, something that was just because there was a need in both of them and it was convenient. 

_But this was different._

Niall placing small kisses down his neck, fingertips touching over his chest as he scooted further down, licking and sucking on his skin and Zayn bit his lip in between his teeth to hold back a moan;  _this was definitely different_. 

It was the slow kind of buzzing excitement that they had never had before, the almost painful and long build up that had him writhing and almost getting annoyed at how long it took for Niall to reach him, to finally place a palm flat against him while he manoeuvred the rest of his body up to bite down just below Zayn’s ear, to mumble “getting a bit impatient, eh?" against his skin. Then, almost absentmindedly, he pulled at Zayn’s jeans, straightening himself up and getting them all the way off, landing them next to the discarded shirt along with the boxer briefs, the same dull thump although this time louder somehow, all senses heightened.

He almost growled when Niall started at his neck again, soft lips nudging, teasing, nibbling; down over his collarbone next, tracing his tongue to the center of his chest only to move to the side, flick his nipple and biting, touching every single piece of him when really all he wanted now was more; harder, faster, just something.

Niall was down near his navel, biting and kissing along his hips and then suddenly mouthing over him and he arched his back, gripped the sheets a bit tighter, painfully hard. 

"You know…" Niall licked up the length of him and he felt heat rising in his cheeks, “I’ve always loved your cock."

Zayn giggled at that, at the weirdness of the situation, at how every breath he took seemed to cut in half, making him lightheaded, and when Niall’s lips finally closed around him he felt all that pent up energy gather in his stomach, had to use all his willpower to not push up harder, to not just finish quickly.

Niall kept the pace even and steady, every time Zayn couldn’t control his hips shooting off the bed he seemed to slow down, one hand stilling him, the other gripping around him where his mouth couldn’t reach. Zayn again pulled at the sheets, struggled to breathe and all he could do was shake his head, bite down on his own skin, push further down the bed, just needing to move, to have something in his mouth, to scream, to touch, to come. 

"You look so fucking hot like this…" He tried to focus on Niall as the blonde boy spoke, his hand replacing his mouth, slick with saliva, “I could do this to you for hours…" Niall sat back a little, flicked his wrist in a way that made Zayn’s jaw drop again, mouth just hanging open now. 

All that was going through his mind were words like  _‘faster’_  and  _‘harder’_  and _‘please’_  and he must have said something out loud because Niall mumbled “alright," and when he took him in again it was different; with more of a purpose. 

It didn’t take long from then, that tightening in his legs, the tingling in his fingers and then he was spilling into Niall’s mouth, eyes squeezed shut and lip between his teeth as he felt himself drift with his orgasm. 

When he came to a few moments later his head was on Niall’s chest, legs shaky and mind blurry, his body so heavy, so sleepy but one thing nagging at him;

"What about you?" he was surprised at how ruined his voice sounded and felt more than saw Niall shake his head.

"Later, love. Let’s just sleep for a bit, yeah?" 

__

This time when he woke up it was to soft kisses being placed all over his face and a nose nudging his own as he forced his eyes to open. He could feel that it was later now, that the sun was no longer soft with morning but rather wide awake and strong and he turned over slowly and faced the boy next to him, stretching and giggling when he got an unexpected kiss. 

“Morning.”

“Morning, sunshine,” Niall rolled over him and fumbled out of bed, “I’m gonna shower, wanna join?” 

“Mmmm…” Zayn stretched again and turned over, buried his face in the pillows, “sure,” he let his eyes fall shut and felt himself drift off slowly, “in a minute…” 

Niall’s lips brushed over his neck and he smiled as he heard him walk over to the bathroom, imagined him strip out of his clothes and then the noise of running water made him force his eyes open and roll over; trying to wake up.  

The vibration of a phone ringing had him sitting up and rubbing at his eyes as he reached for it, both their mobiles were next to each other and he was so used to picking up either of them that he didn’t even think twice when he answered.

"Yeah?" he cleared his throat and stretched one arm over his head, yawning.

"Niall? Niall. Niall! She got all my posters down and it looks so damn empty and I’m totally freaking out even though I know I said that it was alright but I just got home to my stuff from the room in boxes and I’m freaking out!"

"Hey," Zayn pulled himself up and shook his head to clear it, “just breathe, mate."

He heard the guy on the other end take a deep breath and then he heard a door slam shut.

"Nope, no! I can’t breathe properly; she put all my comics in boxes without wrapping them up! And then my photos and my books and my papers and…"

"Oi!" Zayn raised his voice slightly, “snap out of it!" and then he heard a thump on the other end.

"I just sat down. You’re not Niall, are you?"

"Nope."

"Oh… well… nice to meet you, I’m Liam."

"Zayn."

"Hi."

"Hi. So freaking out, eh?"

"Yeah… uhm… my girlfriend is tearing up my study, taking all my posters and books and stuff and notes and everything down and I just had to watch her put, - "

"Breathe, you’re not breathing again."  

"Thanks, - my gym equipment on freaking ebay!"

"Short on money?"

Zayn listened to Liam take a staggered breath and he fidgeted with the blanket; moments like these he really missed smoking. He’d given it up because Niall kept complaining about having to interrupt everything to go out for a smoke and he was fine most of the times, but he occasionally got the urge to just have one to relax.

"No," Liam cleared his throat, “not short on money at all, she just wants the room for the cat."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, we’re getting a cat and she wants a room for it."

"You are joking, right?"

"No, it’s for the stuff we’re going to get for it."

"Liam? It is Liam, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Liam, I’ve never heard anyone having a room for their cat before."

"Oh?"

"What’s her problem with the room, anyways? Surely a cat wouldn’t mind posters on the wall."

"Honestly? I have no idea. She used to love it. She used to sit in here and watch me work out and we used to study together in here. But now all my stuff is on ebay and she looked all happy about it so I had to leave."

Zayn could hear the tint of panic in Liam’s voice again and he scratched at his neck as he conjured up his sisters in his mind, something he always did when he tried to understand women.

"Maybe she doesn’t feel like she’s part of it anymore then? If you use to spend more time with her in there?"

"Who are you? Doctor Phil?"

"Hey!" Zayn huffed out a laugh, “I’m just trying to help!"

"Well…" there was a silence on the other end for a little while, “I think maybe you’re right, Doctor Phil."

"Alright. So go in there and remind her of why she fell for you in the first place!"

"Yeah.."

"That you’re not gonna take any shit from her because of a cat!"

"Yeah."

"That she can’t just sell your stuff without asking you. Show her you’re a man!"

"Yeah!"

"Like.. shag her on the desk or something!"

The nervous laughter on the other end made Zayn giggle and he glanced towards the bathroom, suddenly filled with the urge to feel Niall around him again.

"Well if you’re good now, mate, I’ve got something I need to do."

"Alright. Thanks, man."

"Anytime."

"Say hi to Niall for me, will you?"

"Sure. Bye now."

Zayn was already walking towards the bathroom as he hung up and chucked the phone back on the bed and as he opened the door steam gathered all around him. He smiled at the outline of Niall behind the glass, quietly humming to himself but stopping when his attention landed on Zayn and he pulled the door open for him.  

"You actually got up."

"Yeah, I…" Zayn stepped in and closed the door behind him, “I…" he tried to focus on what he was going to say but the water hitting his skin, the steam making it all kind of dreamy and the way it seemed to make Niall’s body glisten had his tongue tied and instead he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Niall’s shoulder, sour taste of soap mixed with the sweetness of skin.

"Want me to get your back?" Niall held out the shower gel, one eyebrow raised and water dripping from his lower lip in a way that was so enticing that Zayn couldn’t get a word out, all he could do was lean forward and lick the water off, taking Niall by surprise as he pushed him back against the wall, turning it into a kiss, bodies pressed together.

It was different to anything he’d ever felt before, he was used to the soft curves of a woman’s body, small hands touching him but somehow this felt better, _harder_ , more intense, so when Niall swung them around so that he stumbled and his back hit the wall and he had to dig his nails into Niall’s skin to keep his balance his head spun; he needed him closer, needed more. It was a messy kiss, water running in between them and getting in his mouth, dripping down their bodies.

Niall broke free from it first, leaned his head back and out of reach and started fumbling with the shower gel but it wasn’t moving fast enough and before he even knew what he was doing Zayn found himself sinking to his knees, placing small kisses along the way, spitting out water against Niall’s skin, closing his eyes to keep it from getting in them.

He swallowed before he let one hand slide up Niall’s leg and grip around him, the realization of what he was going to do throbbing in the back of his head; this was certainly different from clumsy hands and fumbling touches.

Surely it couldn’t be that hard, though, he’d had girls doing it to him so many times and knowing what he liked on himself he gripped around Niall and started with licking up his length, steadying it with his hand.

His knees were already sore from the hard floor but he didn’t really care, the only thought going through his mind was  _Fuck, am I really doing this?_ He shook his head in disbelief before he opened his mouth and let the tip of Niall’s cock push past his lips.

It was a little awkward at first, finding the right rhythm, getting used to something in his mouth, hearing Niall curse above him and feeling his hands grip onto his hair and he shifted again, trying to find a better position for his knees, trying to take him in deeper.

"You can’t be…" Niall swallowed loud enough for Zayn to hear it over the sound of the shower, “very comfortable, love…" and then he felt Niall’s hand on his jaw, pulling him up and he groaned at the ache in his legs.

This time Niall didn’t ask for permission but instead poured a generous amount of shower gel over Zayn’s chest and the way it felt when his hands slipped over his skin made the darker boy stifle a moan and he reached for the bottle and got some of it out on Niall as well, amazed at how smoothly his fingers slipped, how easy it was to touch and how good it felt.

When they kissed now it was with more urgency, Niall was everywhere on him, everywhere around him and it was messy and out of sync and he felt Niall giggle against his lips as they both stumbled and had to grab for the wall to not fall over.

"Fuck, we’re gonna kill ourselves in here!" Niall’s voice was laced with laughter and lust and he fumbled for the tap and turned the shower off, walking them both back and grabbing for a towel but it somehow ended up on the floor instead. His hands found Zayn’s hips as he swung him around and had him pressed up against the wall, one leg rubbing against him in just the right way.

It was hard to form coherent thoughts, everything seemed to be in a sort of daze; the way they both giggled and sunk to the floor, hands everywhere and then kissing again, the way Niall’s hands found him and his breathing went from staggered to erratic, the way Niall felt when he gripped round him, both their hands working too fast, too desperate and he knew he wouldn’t last long at all so he pulled away, pushed Niall’s hand away and got them both up, made it as far as the desk next to the bed before they slammed up against each other again.

Zayn cringed when he heard loud thumps of things falling to the floor but it didn’t really have time to register because Niall’s hand had found him again and they sunk to the floor, kissing, touching, biting.

Niall’s forehead fell against his and he heard him grunt out “Fuck, that feels really good, I don’t think I’m gonna…" and Zayn knew what it meant because he was right there as well, balancing on the edge and he moved his hand a little faster, moaned when Niall’s teeth grazed and sunk into his neck and tried to focus on keeping his hand moving as he felt his own release.

Niall’s giggle pulled him out of his high and he stilled his hand and let his body roll over, laying side to side on the floor.

"That, " Niall was breathing heavily, “doesn’t happen all that often, you know."

Zayn sucked in air through his nose and turned his head to look at the blonde.

"Like, I always try to time it when I’m with someone ‘cause coming together is pretty awesome, but I’ve never done it without having to really focus!"

Zayn raised his eyebrow in disbelief and sat up, leaned his back against the bed and wrinkled his nose at the mess all over his hand and wrist.

"Must mean we’re meant to fuck." Niall stated it with a tone that made Zayn giggle and he shook his head before he reached out and wiped his hand over Niall’s chest.

"Hey!! Eww!" and before Zayn had time to react he was pressed down the floor again, chest against chest and he felt the stickiness of them both rubbing together, making him swat at Niall and wiggle under him, trying to get out of the grip but it only made them rub together in a way that sent sparks through him once more.

Niall’s lips were suddenly on his again, this time softer, with less urgency and it should have been really gross with their bodies sticking together but this calm filled him at the feel of having the other boy so close, the come down of his orgasm making him drift but Niall’s body rubbing against him filling him with a new, slow need.

This time when Niall’s lips travelled down his body he let his fingers brush through his hair, wincing at the bites he felt, giggling at the small kisses and smiling at the soft touches.

"You…" Niall looked up at him, his head right above his hip, “taste," he kissed the skin there, “like come." He made a face and Zayn giggled and pulled Niall up, kissing him and tasting salt on his lips.

"Shower?"

Niall pulled himself up and reached out his hand for Zayn but as he got up on his knees his head was again right in front of the hardening length of Niall and he was filled with the need to taste him again, to feel him heavy on his tongue and Niall’s surprised little squeal when he sucked him in made him giggle around him.

He could feel him growing in his mouth and Niall’s fingers traced through his hair, words mumbled softly, it was all a mix of " _You’re really very good at that." “fuck, a little harder," Just like that" and “holy shit"_ and it egged Zayn on, not really caring that his jaw was starting to ache, that he could feel the stickiness on his chest drying, that his knees were starting to hurt again. He listened to the small curses and noises coming from Niall and he picked up his speed when they became more and more incoherent, using his hand where he couldn’t reach and feeling himself growing hard again, the taste and feel of Niall too much to not get affected by.

"I’m gonna…do you wanna…?" He understood the warning but just shook his head and sucked harder, swallowing it down, squeezing his eyes shut to not gag and slowed down when he felt Niall softly push his head away, bringing his hand up to his face to wipe around his mouth.

Niall sunk down on his knees, let his forehead fall against Zayn’s and he laughed softly.

"That was fucking amazing."

It warmed Zayn up in the weirdest way and he hugged the other boy close, kissed over his face and neck and bit down on his skin, sucking in little marks whilst Niall giggled and traced his fingers through his hair.

"Shower." It was a statement this time and Zayn nodded as he got up, body stiff and tired but feeling so good and he held Niall’s hand as they fumbled in to the shower again and this time it was Niall who sunk down on his knees, explaining that this was indeed the best way to clean up and Zayn was going to protest but then Niall’s mouth around him made the words get stuck in his throat and he grabbed on to the wall and just let himself drift in the feeling of the hot water and the touch.

__

"I look like a fucking prune."

Zayn was sat on the bed as he watched Niall pick at random things that they’d managed to somehow push over on the floor. He had dressed in a pair of Niall’s baggy jeans and a loose tank top. He could have easily gone over to his own room to get new clean clothes but when Niall had offered he hadn’t had the heart or will to say no. He’d towel-dried his hair and got up to the mirror to stand next to Niall, the blonde looking at himself with raised eyebrows, holding his hand out for Zayn to see.

"Look, I look like a raisin!" Zayn giggled and kissed his fingertip only to suck it in to his mouth, innocently looking up at Niall.

"You don’t taste like a raisin."

"You shouldn’t do that, not unless you want to mess up your clothes and get you all sticky again."

Zayn laughed and let go of his finger.

"Ever the romantic!"

Niall smiled and leaned forward, kissed him softly, his hand finding its way in under Zayn’s clothes and he pressed his palm flat against Zayn’s back before he took a step back.

"So… Lou’s, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Zayn frowned at the mirror and pulled his fingers through his hair and as if he was reading his mind Niall reached over him and grabbed a snapback from the shelf and put it on him, - the red in it matched the print on the black tank, just before he grabbed the green one for himself and pulled it over his messy, damp hair.

Zayn looked at them in the mirror, they were matching in a weird way, his jeans were light and his top was dark whereas Niall was wearing black jeans and a light grey top, they were like opposites but still linked together and he smiled as Niall leaned in and kissed his neck, right on one of the many marks that were now on his skin.

"You know," he angled his head to look at the big one on his collarbone, “you didn’t have to mark me right next to my tattoo, now it looks like the edges of the ink are all blurred."

Niall laughed and placed an open mouthed kiss on it, “well now everyone can see that you’re mine. Besides," he slapped Zayn’s bum as he walked over to the bed to grab his phone and wallet, “look who’s talking!" he nodded towards his own collarbone and the huge lovebite there and Zayn poked his tongue out, a warm kind of fuzzy feeling inside of him at Niall’s words. He wasn’t sure he wanted to belong to anyone but it still warmed him in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

Having the blonde to himself in this way made him feel far too happy and he smiled as he got his stuff out of his old jeans pockets and put them in his new ones, ignoring the itching in the back of his brain that was telling him that something this good could never last.

He walked over to the door and held it open as Niall fuzzed about the room looking for his keys whilst humming quietly, not really making an effort to hurry it along and Zayn sighed and tapped his foot;.

"Coming?"

Niall’s head snapped up and he fished his keys out of a drawer and smiled a crooked smile, “I don’t think I could come again, to be honest with you. Give me an hour or so, will you?"

Zayn giggled and bumped his shoulder against Niall’s as they walked out the door, “Cheeky!"

Niall placed a kiss right on his temple and swung an arm around his shoulders, “You love it!"

The heat outside made Zayn grateful that he’d wore Niall’s loose tank, it was late afternoon but the sky was still clear blue and the air was kind of humid, the kind of dampness that made everything just a little uncomfortable and he was glad they’d stayed inside all day.

The campus was always quieter on the weekends, some people choosing to go home and the rest hungover and curled up somewhere in the shade, you only got the few groups of people sat on the grass quietly chatting and waving their hello’s as they walked past them.

"Ugh…" Niall huffed and tightened his grip around Zayn’s shoulders, leaning his weight on him, “I’m starving, I don’t even know how I’m walking right now, I’m running on nothing! You’ve completely worn me out!"

"We’ll get something on the way, I’m sure you’ll live!"

"I’m not so sure, you might have to carry me!" Zayn giggled at that and pushed against him.

"Hey, I was there too. I’m tired too!"

"I know you were there," Niall pulled them both to a stop and his arm went from Zayn’s shoulder to his waist, hugging him close and leaving a soft kiss on his neck, “actually, I think most of the people living in our hall know you were there, you get pretty loud."

Zayn huffed out a breath of air as he felt heat rising in his cheeks, “well you’re not that quiet either," he pushed them into a slow walk again, “besides, it’s good to express yourself when…"

"Niall!!" They both swirled around at the girl shouting Niall’s name and somewhere in the movement they lost hold of each other, Zayn’s hands finding his pockets instead as he watched Niall hug the girl close and whisper something in her ear that made her giggle.

"You alright, Hayley?" She merely nodded at him, her whole focus on Niall, her fingers trailing his chest as she spoke.

"You left before I had time to really thank you for coming last night…" She had a full pout on and Niall reached out and poked her lower lip with his finger.

"Sorry," he shrugged, let his hand drop, “will it make it better if I promise that it won’t happened again, love?"

"Yeah, maybe…"

"Just maybe..?"

Zayn watched as Niall softly reached out to stroke her cheek, noticed how she leaned in to the touch and had to swallow loudly, his throat suddenly too dry.

"Maybe if you promise to come around for a movie or something sometime soon?"

"Sure," Niall’s smile was warm and Zayn felt his stomach drop slightly; somehow this made the past hours feel different, like maybe it hadn’t been as good for Niall as it had been for him and he suddenly felt the need to just leave. To crawl up in his own bed and maybe sleep, maybe just stay away for a while and it made him feel silly, that he’d let it affect him like that. The same feeling as last night gnawing at him; the knowledge that there was next to no chance that Niall would ever be content with just him, that as much as he knew he made him happy it’d never be enough.

And he was just about to turn around when he felt Niall’s arm heavy around his shoulders again, nudging him in to the conversation, “we’ll come around one night, right?"

And Zayn couldn’t help but smile at that, at how oblivious Niall was to people trying to get him alone, for him, an invite to watch a movie was just that, nothing more.

"I guess I could get one of my friends to come around as well, it’d be like a double-date." Hayley glanced at Zayn and he forced a smile and watched as Niall reached forward and placed a kiss on her cheek, his focus partly on his phone and partly on her. 

"Sorry, love. That’s Louis texting now wondering where the hell we are. Gotta go. But yeah, movies sometime soon for sure!"

__

"I’m so full," Niall’s arm was even heavier around him now, they’d stopped to get some food on the way and he could swear Niall had eaten his weight in chips, “I know that Lou’s shop is right there," he lazily gestured with his hand, “like literally just five steps away but it feels so far!"

"Come on, fatty," Zayn pushed softly against him and he grunted, “you just need to walk it off!"

"But I don’t want to walk it off! Do you think anyone would mind if I just crawled there instead?" He made to sink down on the floor and Zayn laughed as he pushed at him to keep going, almost making them both fall over as they fumbled in through the door, giggling and reaching for the wall to steady themselves.

"Jesus, you boys drinking already?" Louis was behind the desk taking payment from a customer and he smiled at the guy in front of him, “Excuse my friends, Freddie, they’re all idiots."

Niall laughed, untangled himself from Zayn and walked in to the outstretched arms for a hug from the guy, “You alright, Fred? Haven’t seen you for ages, man!"

"Yeah, all good Nialler, in a hurry though, just needed to pick this up for Natalie! You ok?"

"Yeah, good, good."

"Good night, eh?"

Zayn watched Fred nod at the hickey on Niall’s neck as he sunk down on the sofa, biting his lip to suppress the smile spreading over his lips.

"Yeah," Niall scratched at the mark and glanced over at Zayn, “pretty amazing, actually."

"Well that’s good to hear. Catch up sometime soon, yeah? I miss you, man!"

"Definitely! Call me when you’ve got time."

They hugged again and Niall walked over to the sofa as Fred left, falling down on it with his head landing in Zayn’s lap.

"I got your tea," Zayn turned his head to see Harry come around the corner from the kitchen, steaming cup in his hand, “I hope I did it right," and then his eyes landed on them and he smiled, “Oh, hey guys!" 

He handed Louis the cup and turned back around, “would you like a cuppa as well?"

Zayn shook his head at the same time as Niall, “I think we’re alright, mate," he pulled the snapback off of Niall’s head and traced his fingers through his hair, making the other boy hum quietly.

"Aw, they look so…what’s the word for it…- "

"Gross?" Louis popped his head up from behind the desk and looked over at them.

"Can’t say that was the word I was looking for…" Zayn watched as Louis walked around the desk and leaned back against it, side to side with Harry.

"Slimy?"

"Nope."

"Sickening?"

"No."

Louis crossed his arms and studied them closer, raising an eyebrow and this time he spoke with more certainty.

"Fucked."

Niall snorted and Zayn giggled as Harry fiddled with his shirt, looking like he wanted to argue but not really finding the words.

"I can’t say that was the word I was looking for…" he cleared his throat, rubbed his palms on his knees.

"It’s true, though," Louis walked over and sat down on the floor next to the sofa, “you two look completely fucked!" He wrinkled his nose, “come to think of it, I hope you’ve showered, that sofa has seen enough spunk in its days."  

Harry’s eyes widened and Niall laughed and reached out to ruffle Louis’ hair but Louis swatted his hand away.

"So you had a good night, yeah?" Harry came over and pulled a chair up to sit next to them.

"Yeah," Zayn nodded, straightened himself up to look at Harry, “it was really good, thanks. I could really go for a coffee right about now, though!"

"Oh my God," Niall sat up, “that sounds amazing! You don’t have coffee here by any chance, do you, Lou?"

"Nope, I’m British, remember? We do tea."

"Yes," Niall groaned as he got up on his feet, “and I’m Irish, we do pints!" he shrugged, “and occasionally coffee, especially after an intense night!" He reached his hand out for Zayn to take, “Coffee, yeah? We’ll be back in a minute," he pulled Zayn up, “coming?" 

Zayn smiled at that and nudged his shoulder against Niall’s as they walked out the door, “I don’t think I could come again, to be honest with you, Nialler. Maybe after the coffee!"

Niall laughed and his hand slid down Zayn’s arm when they got outside, fingers trailing his wrist and then entwining with Zayn’s, thumb softly gracing his palm.

_Different, this was definitely different._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you liked it, constructive criticism is always welcome and thank you for reading! xx


	6. Louis

 

 

 

 

Louis knew absolutely nothing about cars but he was pretty sure that the one he was sat in right now was quite impressive; the way the motor just quietly hummed, the way you could barely even feel that you were moving definitely made it different from most of the ones he’d ever been in.  
  
He’d tried to pay attention to what Harry was saying when he’d explained the model and type but it was so hard to focus when that boy had the most obscene mouth he’d ever seen in his life.  
  
So now he was sat next to him in it instead, not even really sure where they were going but he truly did not mind, they could go to an empty field or a brick wall for all he cared, as long as he got to stay with Harry for a little longer; watching his fingers curl around the steering wheel, the way he paid close attention to the road but still kept looking over at Louis and smiling, the little dent in his cheek that Louis couldn’t help but want to lick in to or kiss every time it appeared.  
  
"We’re almost there," Harry’s voice startled him and he straightened up a bit in his seat, watched the narrow road turn wide and an overgrown lake appear in front of them.  
  
"This is beautiful!"  
  
"I just figured," Harry fell quiet as he pulled over, parking right next to a big willow tree, "that you would like it… after you showed me to that one close to my house I thought of this one. My sister took me here a couple of times before she moved away."  
  
As they got out Louis tried to bite back the huge grin he could feel forming on his lips and he walked around the car to Harry’s side, took the outstretched hand and entwined their fingers, that ridiculous warmth that somehow reminded him of Christmas spread through him and he pushed his shoulder against Harry’s as the taller boy giggled and pulled them forward.  
  
There had been a time where he would have mocked the idea of a romantic walk along a quiet lake, where he’d been content with just quick shags and no numbers exchanged but that didn’t feel enough now and his insides twisted when he caught himself thinking that he could get used to this. That walking hand in hand with Harry and listening to his calm mumble about the different trees and plants would be something that he would gravely miss if it was taken from him and that scared him to no end.  
  
It wasn’t like he hadn’t done relationships before, he’d just never felt his heart wanting to belong to anyone as much as he felt it beat with that need when Harry was around.  
  
"I am boring you, aren’t I?"  
  
Louis smiled and pulled them both to a stop, “you couldn’t bore me even if you were trying to kill me with conversations and facts about trees that I can’t tell the difference between… Oh…” he poked his tongue out, “hang on!”  
  
Harry huffed and pouted and Louis got up on his toes and pecked him right on his lips, surprising the younger boy and making him giggle before he granted Louis access to a slow, deep kiss.  
  
Louis felt like he would never stop being amazed at the feel of Harry’s tongue against his own; it seemed to send sparks all the way through him and he’d had good kissers before but somehow kissing Harry made the world around him disappear and all he could feel was warmth and a growing need to touch more, to feel the other boy closer.  
  
He felt Harry’s smile against his lips as he slowly pulled away and entwined their fingers, his hands having somehow ended up in Harry’s hair during the kiss and he had to look away from his, -now even redder,- lips as they started walking again.  
  
"Really, though, you’re not boring me. I would tell you if you were."  
  
Harry smiled, “my mother used to tell me about all of them, naming all the plants and trees and I guess it just stuck.”  
  
"Where’s your mom now?"  
  
"Last I heard she’s out traveling somewhere. She used to send letters and postcards all the time but they stopped and whenever I ask my father he gets really funny about it and sends me to my room," Harry frowned, "which really is weird because he has not done that for anything else since I was around twelve."  
  
"How about your sister? Doesn’t she talk to her?"  
  
"Mmm," he shook his head, "me and Gemma don’t talk as much anymore, not since my mother left and even less since my father cut her off."  
  
Louis pulled Harry towards an old bench off the side of the lake, “your dad cut her off? Why?”  
  
"She wanted to study art, to become an artist and my father doesn’t necessarily approve so he’s paying for her school but other than that she’s on her own."  
  
Louis sat down and watched Harry brush off the bench before he followed and he fixed his gaze on the birds playing by the trees, “that’s still more than a lot of people get,” he didn’t want to sound bitter but living in a world where your dad paying for your school counts as being cut off would never be normal to him.  
  
"Oh, I know," Louis could see a hint of the dimple in his cheek, "I know we’re blessed, or spoiled, rather, but…"  
  
"That’s not what I meant!" He turned to look at Harry, watched the younger boy smile at him.  
  
"It’s ok, what I meant to say was that I think that maybe she’s a little bitter now because my father still pays for everything for me and she misses it, envies it, even. I envy her as well, though."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Harry shrugged, “because she’s free.”  
  
Louis really had nothing to say in response to that and when he looked over at Harry he sensed that it wasn’t really something he wanted to continue talking about so he settled on leaning over to place a kiss on Harry’s shoulder and then rest his head there, the smell of the other boy filling all his senses.  
  
"I sure know how to bring the mood down! It really is beautiful here, though, isn’t it?"  
  
"That’s alright," Louis sighed and moved to straddle the boy, putting his arms on his shoulders and for a second he had to remind himself to breathe, to not get lost in the way Harry looked at him, "I just don’t know how to make you feel better, is all."  
  
Harry shook his head and his hands found their way around Louis’ waist, “you already are.”  
  
And Louis felt that ridiculous smile spreading over his face as he tried to mentally roll his eyes at the cheesiness of it all but yet he couldn’t help himself falling completely for it, actually letting himself feel the moment instead of mocking it, and that’s when he knew he how bad it was, that if things like these were now ok to him something had drastically changed.  
  
As Harry leaned forward for a kiss, though, he realized that however much it scared him that he was falling so fast he wouldn’t want it any other way, that this somehow was so much better than sex and he almost laughed out loud as he caught himself thinking just that.  
  
___  
  
  
"I can’t believe I left a warm bed  _and_  a warm boy for this,” Niall yawned and used one hand to pull his hoodie tighter around him, the other one secure on the steering wheel, “Zayn actually laughed at me before he fell back asleep. I need coffee.”  
  
"Love you, Nialler."  
  
They’d been driving for over an hour and apart from the grumpily tired hug and grunt he’d given him as he’d picked him up, this was the first thing Niall had said to him.  
  
"All because you need someone to drive you around."  
  
“I would have asked Harry but it was half five when my alarm went off so I felt like it was a bit rude to call and wake him up.”  
  
Louis smiled, he would have missed this year’s big yard sale if the alarm on his phone hadn’t reminded him early this morning and it was eerie that even though it had been at a ridiculous hour he had still woken up with a smile on his face.  
  
He and Harry had spent hours just sat by the lake last night, alternating between lazy kisses and long conversations and when he had gotten home he’d crawled into bed with a smile and the memory of soft lips against his.  
  
"But it’s not rude to call and wake me up, is it?"  
  
Louis shrugged, “I’ve known you forever, nothing’s rude with you, you’re like my annoying,” he smiled at Niall’s frown, “but very nice and helpful little brother!”  
  
"I had to call and wake up Hayley to borrow her car," Niall voice was still raspy with sleep and he sucked his lip in between his teeth, confused frown on his face, "she didn’t seem to mind though, said she’s a morning person."  
  
Louis rolled his eyes, “Yeah, mate. I’m sure that was the reason she didn’t mind, not the fact that she wants to get in your pants.”   
  
Niall’s giggle filled the car with warmth and Louis smiled and huffed, “I swear to God, mate, sometimes it’s like you don’t even pay attention to who’s trying to shag you…”  
  
"Her two best friends just moved away and her boyfriend dumped her about a month ago, she’s lonely, Lou," Niall yawned big and rubbed at his neck, "I just hate it when people feel like that."  
  
Louis shrugged, it always kind of amazed him that Niall somehow managed to see a depth that everyone else missed, to see the good in places other people might not and it was both a blessing and a curse, in a way. It seemed to make him blind to certain things as well as not being able to focus his love on just one person, “and you’re gonna be the one that makes her feel better, are you? Without it turning it into something more?”  
  
"Mmm, I don’t know…" Niall scratched at his nose, "I’m not sure she’s… there’s just something missing there…"  
  
"What?" Louis glanced over at the boy with a grin on his face, "a penis?"  
  
Niall’s giggle made Louis smile and he watched as the blonde shook his head, “can’t say that’s what I meant, Lou-bear.”  
  
"Dashing looks?"  
  
"She’s an attractive girl."  
  
"Silky smooth voice?"  
  
"She doesn’t sound all that bad."  
  
"Pitch black hair?"  
  
"She’s blonde, Lou."  
  
"Amazingly sharp cheekbones?"  
  
"Can’t say I’ve ever noticed her cheekbones."  
  
"Crazily artistic?"  
  
"I’ve never seen her draw…"  
  
"Tattoos?"  
  
"I don’t think she’s… hang on!"  
  
Louis laughed, “took you long enough!”  
  
Niall huffed and fell quiet, small smile playing over his lips.  
  
"How is Zayn, anyways?"  
  
"Good," the smile on Niall’s face grew wider, "he’s really good, asleep even, like any normal person should be at this time."    
  
"Speaking of dedicated boyfriends," Louis laughed at Niall’s frown and half-hearted protest, "have you talked to Liam lately?"  
  
"Mmm," Niall nodded, frown not leaving his face, "can’t believe they’re getting a cat," he shook his head, "he’s not as happy anymore."  
  
"Yeah…" Louis pulled his legs up on his seat, "she’s not my favourite person in the world."  
  
"So…" Niall’s frown was replaced with an easy smile, "how is your favourite person in the world?"  
  
And it did bother Louis a bit that his mind instantly landed on Harry but then the thought of the boy made him smile and he looked out the window, rubbing at his hair to hide his face.  
  
"He’s good. Everything is really fucking good, -"  
  
"That’s good."  
  
 ” - except for his dad.”  
  
"Yeah," Niall slowed down as they got closer to the exit, "he’s a bit of a special one."  
  
"So do you know…?" Louis had been avoiding even thinking about it before, "is he really an ass when it comes to gay people?"  
  
"I honestly don’t know, Lou, but I do know he’s very into traditions, the old ways; all that shite. Crappy and sexist sense of humour, I only just managed to not insult him last time I was over at their house."   
  
"He’s not gonna like me very much, is he?"  
  
Niall was quiet as he parked the car and then he turned to face Louis, “it would really be his loss if he didn’t, you’re an amazing person to know, dunno what I’d do without you!”  
  
At the start of their friendship Louis had confused Niall’s open-hearted compliments with flirtation as he was more used to a gruff and a pat on the shoulder as a declaration of love, but he was used to it now and smiled, felt the warmth of it instead.  
  
"I am pretty great, aren’t I?"  
  
Niall’s laughter shook the morning air around them as they got out of the car, “love you, Lou.”  
  
"You too, Nialler."  
  
"Even though you drag me up in the middle of the night to bring you places."   
  
"Don’t be such a pansy!"  
  
"Alright, then," Niall made to turn around and Louis laughed as he pulled him in for a hug instead and he settled his arm around Niall’s waist as they walked towards the huge building.  
  
"Really, though, mate. I do appreciate it. And I’ll get you a coffee once we’re inside."  
  
Louis was buzzing so hard with excitement that he almost missed Niall’s eye roll.  
  
"No, you won’t, every year it’s the same. I don’t know anyone else that gets this excited over some old records and other second hand stuff. I cannot believe you closed the shop for this!"  
  
"This is work, mate. I need some new stuff for the shop. Besides, I’m sure you’ll run into people you know, you always do."  
  
As Louis pushed against the big doors and got hit with the familiar smell of a building filled with hidden treasures he felt that smile tugging on his lips again but this time it was for the other big love of his life.  
  
He knew that for the most part everything in here would be things he could absolutely not afford but he truly didn’t mind, he liked the smell and the feel of it, to find the old records and LP-players that were always tucked away in the corners where no one paid attention, to, - if even just for a second, pretend that he was part of it all.    
  
He was vaguely aware of Niall talking as he scanned the big room they’d just stepped in to, there were antique furniture everywhere and couples that looked like they’d just stepped out of a magazine, older men in suits, old ladies in expensive jewelry, and he scratched at his neck as he looked down to what he was wearing. He was in his favourite black skinnies, a wine-red T-shirt and a dark navy jean-jacket and when he had looked in the mirror as he’d gotten ready he’d thought he looked pretty proper but stepping into this he felt really under-dressed so he turned to Niall.  
  
"…and really all I want is.."  
  
"Am I dressed right for this?" he interrupted the blonde mid-sentence and spun around to face him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"This! Am I dressed alright? Do I look alright?"  
  
"It’s a fucking yard sale or auction or whatever, Lou. No one cares what you wear!"  
  
Louis swept his tongue out over his piercing and felt his lips form into a pout and Niall took a step forward, closed the gap between then and reached over, sorting out Louis’ collar.  
  
"You look good, mate, hot even, if I didn’t know what a disaster doing you would be, I would."  
  
Louis poked his tongue out, “cheers, bud.”  
  
"So how about that coffee, then?"  
  
Tucked away records in a corner caught Louis’ attention and he swatted at Niall, “yeah, you go get coffee if you want some, I’m just gonna… Imma go over there…” he heard Niall mentioning and greeting Matt and Leo, a couple that came every year, and he absentmindedly waved his hand at them, already losing himself in the records.  
  
____  
  
  
About an hour and two bags full of treasures later Niall found Louis sat down on the floor next to an old LP-player, tracing the patterns in the wood with his fingers.  
  
"That’s a beauty, mate."  
  
"I know," Louis sighed, "it’s not for sale, though. Or rather, it’s for the auction and there’s no way I’ll be able to afford it."  
  
Money had never been anything that was overly important to Louis, he was content so long as he had a roof over his head and enough of it to pay his bills and keep his shop going, but at moments like these it really did bother him that he hadn’t tried a little harder, made a little more.  
  
He nudged his face against Niall’s hand on his shoulder and got back up again, letting himself lean into the touch and just feel the comfort there.  
  
"Uhm, mate.." Niall’s voice was a mix of urgency and worry, "I don’t know if you’re gonna wanna look," Louis’ head snapped up, "but Harry’s over there. With his dad."  
  
Louis followed Niall’s stare and his eyes landed on the boy he’d had such an amazing time with last night. He was dressed in black jeans and a white t-shirt, a black blazer on top of it, it was his Harry but the way he carried himself was different and he was stood next to the man that Louis had only seen in the papers before. His dad looked even more terrifying in person, there was a sort of air around the two of them that oozed power and it was different, eerie.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
Niall turned them around and caught Louis’ eyes.  
  
"You gonna be alright, mate? We’re gonna have to go say hi, I’m pretty sure they just saw us."  
  
"Shit!"  
  
"Yeah, you already said that."  
  
Niall threw an arm around his shoulders and he let himself be led forward, studying Harry, remembering last night’s butterflies and they again formed in his stomach as he tried to hold back a wide smile, fingertips tingling to touch, to tell him that he’d missed him, to hug him. He had excitement and fear bubbling inside of him at the same time and it was confusing, made him too tense.   
  
He saw the exact moment that Harry recognized them and the smile on the curly haired boy froze into a kind of panic before he gathered himself.  
  
"Niall! Nice to see you again."  Harry’s dad stretched his hand out and Niall shook it because _of -fucking- course_ Niall knew him and _of –fucking- course_ he liked him.  
  
"Styles." Niall smiled, "how are you?"  
  
"Very well, thank you, and you?"  
  
"Yeah, good, cheers. Bit tired," he turned to Harry and pulled him into a hug, "you alright, love?"  
  
"Yes, I’m well, thank you." Harry’s voice sounded forced and he straightened out his clothes, cleared his throat. Louis tried to will him to at least look at him but he seemed to focus on anything but, his eyes darting around the room. It made everything inside of Louis feel cold and his heart pounded so hard he thought it was going to jump out of his chest, the only difference was that now it didn’t feel like it would land in Harry’s hands, rather he would be scraping it off the sole of his shoes.  
  
"Have you met Louis?" Niall’s fingers dug into his side and Louis snapped out of his stare and stretched his hand out, hid a grimace at the strong handshake of Harry’s dad and smiled.  
  
"Nice to meet you," he briefly wondered if he should have added a ‘sir’ to that, but it was too late to do anything about it now.  
  
"And you. Are you a friend of my son’s as well?" Harry’s dad seemed more focused on the tattoos peeking out from his T-shirt than his face and it made Louis shift nervously.  
  
"I…"  
  
"I don’t think we have met, no." Harry’s hand was suddenly stretched out for him and he took it, still trying to meet those green eyes but Harry wouldn’t let him.  
  
And even though the handshake was brief and cold it still sent sparks through him and he was left feeling a bit baffled at the boy in front of him, at the effect he still seemed to have even though he felt so very distant.   
  
"Where’s that lovely girl of yours?" Harry’s dad again turned to Niall, something about the blonde made even this powerful man smile and Louis wished he didn’t feel such anger towards the both of them for it.  
  
When Niall didn’t answer straight away Louis glanced over and he almost laughed when he saw how hard he’d had to bite back the “who?” that almost tripped out of his mouth.  
  
"Broke up, I’m afraid."   
  
"Ah, that’s a shame. I was hoping the four of you could do a double date, get out of the house a bit." He looked down at his son and then back at Niall before he continued, "Her loss, though, I’m sure."  
  
For a second Louis thought that he’d been talking about him, about him and Harry as a couple and a thrill ran through him, making him look up, trying to catch Harry’s eyes yet again but instead they landed on the girl hovering around them, someone he had assumed was just another random person, browsing a little too close for comfort.   
  
She took a step forward now, though, and her hand snaked down Harry’s arm, finding his and grabbing hold of it, “it’s too bad, really. I would have loved going out, we always stay in,” she turned her perfectly made up face towards them, “Hi, I’m Cara, by the way.”  
  
She looked just like Harry had described her in the texts he’d sent; perfect.  
  
Somewhere in his mind Louis had stocked her away, thinking that Harry wouldn’t have agreed to see her again, that he would have done something, anything to not have this happen. He knew that Harry’s dad set him up on dates but he hadn’t imagined ever having to see it, to feel the stabbing pain in his chest when she tiptoed up and kissed his cheek, to feel so completely abandoned when Harry wouldn’t even look at him.  
  
The feeling of defeat in him was making him light-headed and he looked up just as a flash of disgust played over the older man’s face and he followed his gaze to Matt and Leo who were stood hand in hand, inspecting an old wardrobe, giggling and radiating happiness, almost sickly sweet.   
  
"They should have stayed in it, eh?" His voice was loud enough to carry through the room and Niall spun around to see what he was talking about and as if in slow-motion Louis watched as Harry’s lips curled up in a smile and Cara’s laughter filled the air.   
  
It was all too much; it was like they were mocking his feelings, his whole being, not just the couple that now glared at them. He could deal with a little bit of sneaking around and knowing that it wasn’t entirely ok in Harry’s eyes but having it slammed in his face like this, it made it so much more real and he suddenly felt very old, tired.  
  
"We should get going," Niall’s voice was different now, stripped of the softness that people seemed to grow so fond of, "don’t want to keep my boyfriend waiting."  
  
Louis only had time to see the words sink in and register in the face of the older man, - leaving him looking completely stunned, then he was yanked forward and out of the building, Niall’s arm heavy around his shoulders, guiding him to the car and all he could think was _fuck fuck fuck._  
  
___  
  
  
It looked different now that Harry wasn’t up here by his side, it had somehow gone from being his place to come and relax to being the place he’d first spent time with Harry and it angered him. He’d only taken him up here once and it should still feel like his but it didn’t; it felt tainted somehow.  
  
It felt like it had been ages ago but it was barely a week and he cursed himself for getting so involved with someone so quick.  
  
He had turned his phone off after the first four messages from Harry; an apology meant nothing if it wasn’t an honest one. If Harry could say to him that it would never happen again, then yeah, maybe, but that just wouldn’t be the case, would it?  
  
He took a deep breath and rubbed at his chest, the aching in there surprisingly real. He’d spent the past couple of hours lying on his sofa, head in Liam’s lap and calming fingers raking through his hair. They hadn’t said much and for Louis that was unusual. The lack of words was what made him realize that this was serious, that for him to lose his speech something had been really wrong.  
  
He wasn’t one to hold a grudge but he also wasn’t one to let his heart get ripped out and shamed and maybe that was a case of being too proud but it didn’t matter. He was proud of who he was and he had worked hard to get there, he wasn’t willing to step back in the shade.  
  
When he heard footsteps behind him he wasn’t too surprised, he had almost kind of expected it, the bond between them still there.  
  
"Hi," there was something searching in Harry’s voice and he turned around to face the boy, "I’m really sorry about today."  
  
Louis nodded, he understood, he really did, he knew how sorry he was and how much he hadn’t meant for it to happen but it didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the fact that if put in the same situation again it wouldn’t go differently, and that was what mattered.  
  
"I know you are."  
  
"I just didn’t… I didn’t know what to do, it was beyond my control."  
  
And Louis felt his heart break at that, he literally felt a stabbing pain in his chest and was reminded again that this right here, this was the very reason he didn’t do love.  
  
"Was it, though?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean," he turned to look out over the lake again, "is it really not something you can control? Can you not just tell your dad?"  
  
"I couldn’t… I wouldn’t…" Harry was struggling with his words, rubbed his hand through his curls and sighed, "does it really matter what my father thinks?"  
  
"No," Louis faced him again, "it doesn’t, but it matters to me that you think it’s something to be ashamed of, to make fun of."  
  
"It’s not… I’m not… I just don’t know… I just haven’t figured it out yet… I…"  
  
Louis shook his head, felt that familiar ice inside of him, felt the walls building up again, “I’ve already come out of the closet once, I’m not going back in,” he cleared his suddenly itching throat, “today made me feel like I should be ashamed of who I am and I can’t do that.”  
  
 ”You shouldn’t be,” Harry’s teeth dug into his lip, “I…I’m so sorry I made you feel that way… I…”  
  
And Louis knew, he knew that there was just something there that had taken them both by surprise, that there was this bond between them but instead of feeling like it was lifting him up and making him light it now felt like it was tying him down, strangling him, like if he continued this it would bring too much pain.  
  
"I’m crazy about you," Harry sounded defeated, "I think about you all the time," and Louis nodded, his own voice low;  
  
"I know. I feel it, too." And he wished there was something, anything he could do to make it better again but there was nothing, there were no words, nothing either of them were willing to change.  
  
So they stood like that, in silence, side by side, and as the sun went down Louis felt himself sink with it, the emptiness in him so prominent.  
  
He thought it had some sort of irony to it, that it was ending where it had started. That he would lose the boy he was so rapidly falling for in the same spot he’d first kissed him, the same spot he’d found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please do let me know what you think, feedback really helps and I also quite often find it inspiring. Thank you for reading! xx


	7. Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God I'm so sorry this has taken me forever! Life just happened and I've been so busy!

 

”It’s too loud!”

Niall’s mouth was right below his ear and he could feel the heat from his breath as he spoke, the beat of the music shaking them both and he pushed his back closer to Niall’s chest.

"You ok?"

"No!" Niall let his head drop to Zayn’s shoulder and his arms snaked around his waist, leaning almost all his weight against him, "I’m tired and I’m grumpy and this is the… the… what… third night?" He moved even closer, the smell and feel of him filling all of Zayn’s senses, "do you think maybe we can get away early tonight?"

Zayn looked over at Louis, shirtless and sweaty and in the middle of a circle of guys, moving to the music; hands over his head and eyes closed, completely gone.

"There’s no way," he reached behind him and scratched at Niall’s neck, "he’s on a mission, we’ll be here until they shut."

"I love him, I do, but I’ve got a lecture at eight," Zayn turned around in Niall’s arms so that they were facing each other, kissing his pout before he let him keep talking, "and I’ve…" Niall leaned forward and connected their lips again, "I…" they were both a little breathless when they pulled apart, "I don’t know what I was going to say anymore," he huffed and rolled his eyes at himself.

Zayn patted at Niall’s messy hair and looked over at Louis again, this was the third night that they’d watched him dance for hours, turning away dozens of men only to, at the end of the night, complain that no one fit wanted him. There was no use to argue, it didn’t matter how they looked or how perfect they might be; they weren’t Harry.

They'd fallen into the routine of walking him home and getting him out of his clothes and in bed, forcing him to drink a big glass of water and then taking turns sitting next to the bed until he talked himself hoarse, eyes falling shut.

 The first night Niall had wiped at his tears with his sleeve and crawled in next to him, the night after Zayn hugged him close through it. Harry's name wasn't mention until he had absolutely nothing left to talk about, no energy left to resist admitting that he missed him. Stubborn statements through tears about love being useless, that nothing mattered anymore.

"Do you think maybe if we talk to Harry?" he'd meant it as a question but it came out as  more of a mumble and Niall turned to him, frustrated look on his face. 

"Huh? I can't hear a fucking word you're saying 'cause the music is too fucking loud!"

Zayn sighed and raised his voice, feeling the rasp of having to shout three nights in a row and he leaned in closer.

"Do you think we can talk to Harry? Sort it all out?"

"No, love. I don’t think this is something we can fix," Niall pushed them further away from the crowd and in to a quieter corner, "besides, I already did."

"You did?"

"Yeah, the same day it happened. He was really upset and I couldn’t _not_ talk to him, you know.”

"Well, did he say anything?"

Niall shrugged, “nothing that would change anything.”

"It really sucks."

"That it does."

Niall jumped up on a chair and pulled Zayn in, wrapping his legs around him and Zayn leaned in to the touch, his body and mind tired from a long day and too many late nights with early mornings. They'd gotten home from Louis' flat at five this morning and he was running purely on coffee.

"I’ve been up since seven," he mumbled it against Niall’s neck, could hear the whininess in his own voice and sighed; classes, plus taking care of a hung over Louis, plus trying to fit studying in there somewhere had made this a very tiring week.

"I know, love," Niall’s head was heavy on his shoulder and he felt his breath right under his ear, "I was up, too, remember?"

"Mmmm," flashes of hurried, desperate hands and moans made Zayn press a little closer, "I do remember."

He'd woken up earlier than Niall for once, the blonde boy's body flush against him, having to wiggle and peel him off, trying to untangle himself and Niall had woken up somewhere in the middle of it and the hands that were trying to push the hot body off of him had been pinned over his head instead and with a sleepy giggle Niall had kissed him and…

"You have the goofiest smile on your face," Niall brought him back to reality with a light slap on his arm and a nose nudging his cheek, "what are you even thinking about?"

"You." It was out of his mouth before he could stop it and he cringed and hid his face in Niall's hoodie.  

Niall's giggle was soft and warm and his mouth again right under Zayn's ear, "I like that just thinking about me makes you look that happy," he shifted and traced a hand between their bodies, scratching absentmindedly over Zayn's chest, "Although I hope I make you more than just happy," his fingers edged against the hem of Zayn's jeans, "because quite honestly, right now I'd rather be in bed," he paused to place a kiss right on Zayn's neck, "with you," when he looked at Zayn again his eyes seemed darker somehow, "and take my time, because I do have to say… that as much as you look good now, you look so much better when you're trying to catch your breath, begging me to let you come."

It was the way his accent curled around the words and that it was so unexpected that just made it so much better, the way he looked at him, lust mixed with happiness in his eyes that just seemed to knock the air out of Zayn and he was stunned for words.

They'd only had that one slightly drunken morning properly together and it was frustrating that the past few days had gone back to hurried, desperate touches, he craved more now and stretched his neck to look over at Louis, willing him to tire quicker tonight.

 

_____

 

"I've only got an hour, I've got another class," Niall pushed open the door to Louis' shop, frowned and flipped the sign from closed to open before shutting the door after them.

Zayn went straight for the sofa and watched as Niall made his way to the backroom, dragging Louis out. He was all smudged eyeliner and groans and Zayn held his arms out for him to fall down on the sofa, head landing in Zayn's lap.

"Tea?" Louis shook his head at Niall's question and closed his eyes as he spoke.

"Got no kettle."

"What do you mean? You've got that…"

"I smashed it into a million pieces, like he who shall not be named smashed my soul."

"Oh… never mind," Niall shrugged, "don't really need tea, anyway," he sunk down on the sofa by Louis' feet and put them up in his lap.

"How are you, Lou-bear?"

"I think I'm getting sick. I can feel the flu coming. Or the plague. Or something terrible."

Zayn carded his fingers through Louis' hair and let his head fall back against the sofa, whole body aching from lack of sleep, listening to Niall's soft, slightly amused voice; 

"You're not sick, Lou. Just hung over."

"No, this is worse, this is death coming on."

"It's not death, have you had enough water?"

"No amount of water can save me, I'm doomed."

"You're not doomed."

"I am. Save yourself, Niall, I'm probably contagious."

"You're fine."

"I will never be fine again, death, I tell you, death."

Zayn let his eyes fall shut, their soft bickering and the warm weight of Louis' head in his lap lulling him to sleep.

They'd both gotten about three hours sleep last night before having to stumble out of bed. It had become such a weird routine for them; Zayn hadn't slept in his own bed since that night after the club and the thought of that was kind of nerve-racking, even more so now that he knew that they had the night coming to themselves. He was far from a virgin but his experience with guys was very limited and as exciting as the thought of a night with Niall was it also made him incredibly nervous.

His eyes fluttered open only to close again when he felt Niall's fingers rubbing against his neck, arm stretched out and resting on the back of the sofa. It was a calming touch and he couldn't stop the smile spreading alongside the warmth in him, traveling down through his veins, head heavy with sleep and the last thing he heard before dozing off was Louis' muttering "you know I can see that, right? Gross."    

_____

 

He woke to a nose nudging his cheek and Niall's face right next to his, soft lips on him when he slowly forced his eyes to open.

"Hi. You fell asleep."

"Mmm," Zayn stretched and tried to focus, his hand lazily landing on Niall's shoulder, "where's Lou?"

"Serving a customer," Niall stood back up, "very grumpily so," he helped Zayn up on his feet and caught him in a hug, "I have to go."

"Mmm," Zayn spoke into Niall's neck.

"You're staying with Lou, yeah?"

"Mmmm."

"I'll call you when I get out."

"Mmmhhmm…"

"Hey," there was laughter in Niall's voice and he carefully peeled Zayn off of him, "you're falling asleep standing up, love."

Zayn shook his head to wake up, reality bleeding in and he stretched, giggling when Niall kissed the side of his mouth as he yawned.

"I'll call you when I get out, yeah? I can't wait to have you to myself tonight."             

Zayn nodded, curled in for a hug and rubbed his lips against Niall's neck, sleepily biting at him and he let Niall walk him back towards the sofa, landing on it with a thump and watched as he walked over to give Louis a hug before disappearing out the door.

He stretched again and scratched at his neck, his skin tingling from knowing that he was going to have the night alone with Niall, just doing whatever they felt like and at that thought all the sleep disappeared from his body and he was filled with nerves instead. He hadn't actually thought it through, the lack of experience with guys seeming to matter a whole lot more suddenly.  

He jumped a little when Louis plumped down next to him, too lost in his thoughts to really snap out.

"You've had sex, yeah, Lou?"

Louis slowly turned his head, an eyebrow raised and an unimpressed frown on his face, "I take it that's a rhetorical question?"

"Yeah... no… I mean…" Zayn could feel himself blush and cleared his throat.

"Oh my God, you haven't shagged a guy before, have you?" Louis straightened up and turned fully to his side to watch Zayn.

He wasn’t sure why it made him so uncomfortable to shake his head in a 'no', they weren't the kind of people that were shy about sex but somehow it seemed different now that it actually mattered.

"So you and Niall haven’t yet?"

Zayn shook his head again, "not like that, not all the way."

"All the way?" Louis air-quoted and huffed out a laugh before punching at Zayn's arm, "what are you? Twelve? Are you even mature enough to go through with this?"

Zayn pushed back and couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled up, feeling like something eased up inside of him knowing that he had Louis to talk to if he really needed to.

"So… any pointers?"

"Honestly, mate," Louis shrugged and shuffled around so that his head was again in Zayn's lap, closing his eyes, "Niall knows what he's doing, I wouldn't worry about it."

"Yeah," Zayn frowned, "very helpful."

Louis raised an eyebrow but his eyes stayed shut, slight smirk on his lips, "what do you want me to say? Use a lot of lube? Warm it up? Make sure he preps you properly? Relax into it? Figure out how to angle yourself so he hits your prostate? Make sure you're clean?"

"Yep," Zayn nodded to no one in particular, "let's not talk about this."

"Good," Louis smiled and then frowned, "my head is killing me, anyways. I'm dying."

Zayn let his hands land in Louis' hair again, scraping softly against his scalp, "You're not dying, Lou."

"Well that how it feels like."

"If you need to talk... I…" Zayn sighed, "you know I'm always here to listen."

"Honestly, mate," Louis' voice sounded wrecked, "there's not much to say. You know what happened, you know why I can't…" he shrugged, "anyways, I'm not even sure he'd want to."

"You deserve something better than that, you do, -"

"I can sense a but coming,"

"- but you also know how hard it is for some people to come out and he seems to be under a lot of pressure. Maybe give him a chance to explain?"

"It's not like I don't want to, I just… I wouldn't know how to."

"Maybe swallow that pride of yours and call him, at least consider it."

"I am, I… I just need this headache and dying thing to go away first… I don't know if… your pocket is vibrating."

Zayn wiggled to get to his phone and picked up, fingers once more finding Louis' hair as he spoke.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, Zayn, right?" the voice was familiar but he couldn't place it.

"Yeah, who's this?"

"Liam, the guy you talked out of a freak out a while back, remember?"

Zayn smiled, "Yeah I remember. How's the cat?"

"Just got him, very small. I got your number from Niall, Louis is not picking up his phone."

Zayn poked at Louis, "where's your phone, Lou?"

"Mobiles give me a headache," he dramatically threw his hands up in front of him, nearly poking Zayn in the eye, "I think I have a brain tumour."

Zayn sighed and rolled his eyes, "He's got a brain tumour, no more phones for him."

Liam's laugh was rumbling, warm and deep, "Alright, well tell him I'm coming over as soon as I finish my classes. And go get him a lucozade, I left a couple in the kitchen for him. He's just dehydrated."

"Will do, thanks Liam."

He hung up and wiggled out from under Louis, ignoring the protests and went in to the back room and the little fridge there, getting a lucozade out and pointedly ignored the absolute mess in there.

When he got out to the sofa again Louis was lying face down, speaking to him with words muffled by the sofa.

"Huh?"

"I said," Louis turned his head only slightly, "Your phone vibrated again."

"Mmm," Zayn manoeuvred Louis so that his head was resting in his lap again, "Liam says you're dehydrated," he poked at the side of Louis' face with the bottle of lucozade.

"Liam doesn't understand that my soul is dying," Louis rolled his eyes at the drink but still grabbed it, balancing it on his chest and tried to drink it whilst still lying down.

"Is it really that bad, Lou?"

Louis screwed the cap back on and sighed, the over dramatic air around him gone, his tone dry.

"Well, it's not good."

"Do you think maybe you can talk to him soon? Sort it out?"

"I was only with him for a week. I have no right to try to change him."

Zayn bit down on his lip, "you've known him for longer than that, though, and he clearly got under your skin."

"I can't, Zayn, I don't think I…" there was a vulnerability to his voice that made Zayn hug him a little closer, "not again."

Louis didn't talk about his past relationships a lot, but there was a reason why he usually kept people at arm's length, he'd only mention Nick a couple of times but from what Zayn could gather that was what most of his bitterness towards love came from.

"I just…" Louis crawled out of Zayn's lap and sat up, back against the armrest on the opposite end and knees pulled in against his chest, "I guess I trusted him too quick and fell too fucking hard too fast."

"He's a good guy," Zayn frowned, "he's just a bit lost."

"Yeah, well," Louis got up as a customer walked in, "last time I tried to help someone find their way they ended up fucking my best friend."

 

_____

 

"I couldn't get out of it, I swear I tried. She's just really convincing. We'll watch one movie and then go back to mine."

"You suck at saying no, you know."

"I'll suck on something else later to make it up to you, I promise!"

Laughter bubbled up in Zayn and he had to stop in the middle of the road to look at Niall, "I cannot believe you just said that."

Niall's arm landed around his shoulders and he shrugged, "perks of dating me; I'm awesome at dirty talk."

Zayn was glad that he had Niall pushing him forward at that point because that statement hit him right in the gut and heat rushed from his stomach out through his entire body, making it hard to focus on walking.

"And as well as being awesome at that I am also awesome at feeding you, I asked her to get pizza, you said you were hungry, yeah?"

Zayn nodded, "starving," he hadn't had time to eat between helping Louis shut the shop and rushing home to have a _(thorough)_ shower, cringing a little at the memory of Louis shouting 'make sure to wash properly, you little sex machine' as he left.

"So how come Liam didn't show up then?" Niall turned them left down a street with small houses, mumbling "this way."

"I don't know, it was something about a kid. He was on his way when I left, though, I think we just missed each other because he sent me a picture of Louis face down on the floor as I was getting in the shower."    

"It's weird that you two still haven't met, when are you going to do a training sesh with him?"

Zayn shrugged as they stopped in front of a white door, gathering himself and forcing a smile as the door flew open without them even knocking.

"Hayley, how are you?"

She flung herself at Niall and answered with her mouth buried in his shoulder; "I'm great! You?" and then Niall was being dragged in the house before he had a second to reply.

"Pizza's in the living room, and I've got movies and wine and stuff."

It took them a little while but when they finally settled on the sofa Zayn was leaned up against the armrest with his legs draped over Niall while Hayley was sat on Niall's other side, Avengers playing on the TV.

It wasn’t like Zayn didn't like it, he'd seen it plenty of times, it was just that he was exhausted and Niall's fingers were softly tracing the skin between his ear and down to his collarbone, ever so often reaching around to scratch at the back of his neck and it was so relaxing that he could not keep his eyes open.

_____

 

"I really am sorry," he woke up to hushed voices and blinked his eyes open, looking around the room with blurry vision.

"It's fine, I'll just put my hoodie on without the T-shirt." Niall's tone was easy and edging towards amused and he was stood in the kitchen, only partially visible.

"I'm such a cluts, my ex always said I was too clumsy and ruined everything… so stupid…"

"Hey, hey," Niall grabbed Hayley's chin and tilted her face up "don't talk like that."

Hayley was opposite of him, her white top stained with red and Zayn slowly sat up just as Niall pulled his T-shirt off, exposing golden skin and lean muscles.

 I'll wash it for you."

"You don't have to, it's alright, love."

"You should let me, it'll make me feel better for ruining the night, I always…he said that… I…" she sounded frustrated and disappointed but Zayn couldn't help but to think that maybe it was all an act, that maybe she'd seen Niall fall for that tactic before. How his need to make people feel good stretched too far sometimes, far enough for him to not realize that sometimes it is not as bad as people make it sound.

His hand found her chin again and his smile was warm, "you're a beautiful and sweet girl, honey, don't put yourself down, you're worth more than that."

It was like everything stopped and then played in slow motion as Hayley took a step closer and got up on her toes, one of her hands splayed out on Niall's stomach and the other sliding up his arm, edging closer and closer and as Niall's hands found her shoulders Zayn squeezed his eyes shut.

He hadn't expected this thing they had to last forever and a part of him knew who Niall was and how he worked and he wasn't even sure this would be classed as cheating as he didn't know what they were to each other. He did know that it meant more to him than it did to Niall. He knew that now that it was clearly ending he would be the broken one.

He wasn't even sure of how he was going to end it, not knowing if Niall realised that kissing other people now was wrong. He wasn't sure if he could even be mad, they hadn't said anything about being exclusive and it wasn't like they hadn't done this before. He'd just thought that it had been different this time, that it wasn't just easy sex, that it actually meant something.

When he opened his eyes again, stabbing pain in his chest, he slowly looked over at them and saw Niall's hands still on her shoulders. It looked different from before, she was no longer touching him, just looking up at him, slight frown and annoyance radiating from her.

"Like I said, you're a beautiful girl," Zayn had to really focus to hear Niall now, his voice quiet and soft, "but I can't," now that Zayn was actually looking he saw that Niall's hands on her were keeping her away rather than pulling her closer, "it's nothing wrong with you, you're very sweet and your boyfriend was wrong to say those things," Niall let his hands drop only to put them back up again as she stepped closer, "I'm kind of seeing someone, I mean it… I can't…-"

"I don't mind."

Niall shook his head, "I mind."

That somehow snapped Zayn out of his haze and he stood up, grabbing Niall's hoodie and walking over to them, handing it to him and was greeted by a glare from Hayley.

"Do you mind?" her voice was icy and she nodded towards the other room, gesturing for him to leave.

"Yeah, actually. I do mind," he turned to Niall just as he was pulling his hoodie over his head, "shall we go?"

"Yeah," Niall's fingers brushed against his arm and he edged towards the door, "I'll call you tomorrow, alright, Hayley?"

Her arms were crossed over her chest but she still leaned in against him when he kissed her cheek , mumbling a goodnight and then turning to go back in to the living room before they'd closed the door behind them.

_____

 

The second they stepped into Niall's room Zayn could feel himself tense up, nerves making him awkwardly sit down on top of the covers, eyes never leaving Niall as he went around the room and turned a smaller lamp on, lighting a candle that was stood on the desk and then turning off the main light. He shrugged as he looked at Zayn with a smile, "good lighting never hurt anyone," and the laugh that made it out of Zayn's mouth was so nervous he barely recognized it.

He felt the need to smell his own skin, to make sure he was clean and ready, to check his breath and his hair, to run out of the room even.

The bed dipped with Niall's weight when he sat down opposite of him, a hand landing on his knee, making him jump, another hand softly guiding his face forward and as Niall leaned in to kiss him he could feel his lips shivering along with the rest of his body.

"You ok? You're shaking."

Zayn nodded and then shook his head, "just tired, I think," his voice sounded forced and his jaw felt too tight, eyebrows raising when Niall took his hand and placed it on his chest.

"You feel that? I'm nervous, too." A small part of him relaxed when he felt Niall's fast beating heart against his palm.

"Look," Niall's voice was soft as he pushed Zayn back and crawled on top of him, "we don't have to do anything, alright?" his hands on each side of Zayn's neck, tracing little patterns, "we could just go to sleep," he shrugged and a small smile played over his lips, "or you could let me blow you, I wouldn't mind that."

The laughter came easier this time, the shiver running down his body almost stilled and he pressed his lips against Niall's, a short, sweet kiss, "no, I do want to… I just… I haven't…" it was a lot harder to say to Niall than it had been to Louis, the words getting stuck in his throat like something he couldn't quite get out.

"Right," Niall sat up and straddled him, "I'm going to take my hoodie off, mainly because I'm boiling," as his body stretched and muscles moved under his skin Zayn couldn't help but to reach a hand out and place it against his stomach, watching Niall's lips as they moved with words but not really listening.

When Niall pulled at his T-shirt he did lift his arms over his head, though, nerves still there but not as strong as before when soft lips traced his neck and then found his mouth. It started sweet and with both of them smiling into it but deepened as Niall's hand came up and gripped his hair to angle his head back and then he was licking into Niall's mouth, not able to stop himself.  

This time when Niall disappeared down his body, licking and leaving little bites, it was different; there was no alcohol making it fuzzy around the edges, instead he felt every touch, a sharp, intense lust rather than dulled and lazy.

"This ok?" Niall softly bit his hip and his hands started working on pulling Zayn's jeans off as he nodded in agreement.

"You're going to have to use your words, mate, I can't see your face that well from here," Niall's voice was laced with laughter as he dropped the jeans to the floor, bending down to press his face against Zayn's thigh.

"This ok?"

Zayn nodded before he shook his head at himself and forced out a "yeah," dragging a sharp breath in when Niall's lips ghosted over him.

"Mind if I take these off? They're in the way," Niall pulled at Zayn's briefs and instead of answering this time he just angled his hips up, biting down on his lips as the material slid off.

"I'm just gonna…" Niall reached down under the bed and then giggled at the tense expression Zayn could feel on his own face, "don't worry, I'm just going to use… wait… here… makes it feel better," and then Niall's hand was around him, slick with lube.

The noise that got caught in his throat made Niall lean up and kiss him, hand still working on him and "better, yeah?" was mumbled against his lips.

"Can you spread your legs a bit, I just wanna sit down without crushing you," Zayn slowly moved his legs and watched as Niall sat down between them, hand still moving slowly, eyes trained on Zayn's face in a way that made him want to look away, embarrassed at the sounds coming out of his mouth.

"You look so fucking hot," and then Niall was leaning down, pressing his lips against the tip and licking his tongue out in a way that made Zayn arch his hips up.

One of Niall's hands pushed his hips back down and then pressed softly against his thigh, edging his legs further apart and he felt small kisses pressed down his skin, tracing over the back of his thighs, small licks down between the skin just behind his balls and before he had a chance to get nervous Niall's tongue was pressed flat against his hole.

It felt strange in many ways, awkward in some, and surprisingly good in most; intimate.

He didn't move his tongue much, his hand still working over Zayn's length, slow, long drags and the combination of the two made Zayn's toes curl, made him spread his legs wider to give better access and he could swear he felt Niall smile against him.

When he started moving again it was with little licks and kisses, making him feel wet and slippery and too hot, his skin feeling tight and breathing made harder, edging towards something that felt different.

The moan that got stuck in his throat when Niall's tongue pushed past that ring of muscles made him blush, sure that everyone awake would've heard him.

He barely noticed when Niall's hand left him to travel further down, pushing at his legs and spreading him wider as he licked deeper in, the sensation making Zayn's skin tingle and his hands found the headboard, gripping onto it.

It wasn't long before he felt like he was falling apart in Niall's hands; he had no control over how his hips were moving or over the sounds spilling out, breathing erratic and he was almost grateful when Niall stopped for a moment, giving him a second to breathe. He didn't know what he'd expected but it definitely wasn't something as intense as this.

"You look wrecked," Niall sounded out of breath and there was a wild look in his eyes, "Jesus Christ, look at you," Niall shook his head and bit down on his lip, "this is going to feel a little weird at first."

And Zayn was going to question him but then a finger was pressing against him, slippery and sliding in easily, filling him in a strange way that he wasn't entirely sure he liked, leaving a slight burn inside of him.

"I'm just giving you a second to adjust," Niall leaned over him and kissed his cheek and then neck, "and then I'm going to blow your mind, I happen to be very good at this part," the smile on his lips more reassuring than cocky and Zayn rolled his eyes, finding his voice again.

"You're awfully sure for a guy with a finger up someone's,-" he was cut short by his own body curling in on itself when Niall's finger moved and pressed against something that made him see white, that made the words end in a sort of gurgle and moan.

"See?" Niall's voice had a slight tint of amusement and Zayn would call him out on it if it wasn't for the fact that he was pressing up against that spot in an even rhythm, so many sensations filling him all at once.

The second finger was an odd stretch, made easier by Niall's lips around him, swallowing him down as he held his hand still, distracting him from the burning.

By the time he felt comfortable with it he was sweating and his breath so shallow that Niall had to remind him to calm down, to breathe deep.

With two fingers pressing, brushing and moving against that place inside of him that felt too good Niall caught his eyes.

"You there?" his voice was soft and deep and it took Zayn a moment to process and form words in reply.

"Yeah," it was cut off by a moan and he had to press his eyes shut for a second before looking up at Niall again.

"I could make you come like this," Niall pressed up a little harder, as if to prove his point, making Zayn's eyes roll back, "or I could keep going and stretch you enough for me."

It only took a second and a glance up at Niall's face to make up his mind; "I want you."

"Are you sure?"

Zayn's "Yeah," was loud and desperate as Niall pressed against him just so the second he opened his mouth, making him add a breathless "asshole," to it and smiled when Niall giggled.

The third finger hurt, Niall's kisses distracted him and kept the pain at bay but he could really feel he stretch at first, his body protesting and it took longer for it to start feeling good, for him to want to push down harder against the fingers rather than edge away. After a while though he was filled with that desperate need again, scraping his nails against the pillows, just needing to grab on to something.

He let Niall push him onto his stomach, felt empty when the fingers slid out of him and heard rather than saw Niall shuffle out of his clothes and then Niall's bare chest was pressed against his back, lips rubbing against Zayn's neck and one hand finding his and entwining their fingers.

He felt almost zoned out, having been so close to coming for such a long time made every touch feel electric.

He heard the rip of a wrapper and shut his eyes, bracing himself as he felt Niall press against him, peppering little kisses over his back as he slowly pushed his fingers in again, angling and scissoring, making sure to press down and brush against where it felt so good that Zayn barely noticed when he pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his tip.

It was a bit of a stretch and he tried to relax his body, Niall's chest pressed against his back, his breath sweeping over his neck and shoulder and when he felt Niall bottom out he tried to focus on the kisses and sweet mumbles rather than the burn.

Niall held still, his arms trembling and his breath laboured now, and when he spoke his voice sounded wrecked.

"You… _fuck_.. you ok?"

Zayn took a deep breath and shifted just slightly, making Niall curse again, "Yeah… yeah, I think I'm good."

"Just…" Niall pulled back only to slowly push back in, "tell me if you need me to stop."

He felt strangely vulnerable and safe at the same time, Niall's fingers still entwined with his, Niall's face buried in his neck, uneven breath tickling his skin, Niall sliding into him in deep even thrusts, ever so often brushing against that spot that made his sight go a little blurry; Niall was just everywhere and it was overwhelming.  He got lost in the rhythm of it, in the stretch and pull, in the feeling building in his stomach, losing track of everything.

After a while _(or maybe an eternity, he thought, or maybe just a second,)_ Niall's hand left his and landed on his hip instead, pushing him up slightly and making him balance some of his weight on his knees and Niall kissed his back before he straightened up and curled his arm around Zayn's waist, tracing down and then wrapping a warm hand around him and he didn't realize how much he'd needed it until it was there and he muffled a loud moan in the pillow.

"Good, yeah?" Niall sounded as breathless as he felt and he nodded and forced out a broken

"Yeah."

The new angle made it so much better and he didn't know what to focus on, tripping dangerously close to the edge, feeling over stimulated but still craving more so when Niall pushed into him with a sharper thrust his orgasm took him by surprise, so intense he couldn’t quite breathe, feeling himself clench around Niall, his own moans mixing with Niall's curses, the speed intensifying for a moment before it staggered and Niall sunk down on top of him.

He was too hot and couldn't seem to catch his breath, grimacing when he felt Niall pull out and heard him stagger over to the window, flinging it wide open and then fumbling in to the bathroom.

He shut his eyes and tried to just breathe and focus, jumping a little when he felt the mattress dip and then a warm washcloth was pressed against him, carefully cleaning him up and he would probably have been embarrassed it if wasn't for Niall's little mumbles of "fuck.. look at you…"

He let himself be rolled over and threw his arm over his face as Niall wiped at his stomach, the tiredness now laced with a deep satisfaction and he smiled as he felt Niall pull the duvet over the both of them.

"You're smiling," it was a soft statement mumbled against his shoulder and he moved his arm from his eyes and rolled into Niall's embrace, his head landing on Niall's chest.

"Mmm," he nodded, already feeling sleep pull him under, Niall's soft chuckle making his head bounce against his chest and he swatted at nothing in particular, cuddled in closer.

The last thing he felt was Niall's hand tracing patterns along his spine and something soft mumbled against his hair, making his blood burn a little hotter and the smile on his lips grow a little wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, feedback always helps, as per usual. :) xx


	8. Louis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken awhile because life happened and I also got a little discouraged at the lack of response on the last chapter. It really helps with feedback and I guess my inspiration often comes from that.   
> Finally here though, so yay, it's good to post again!

 

 

He'd woken up feeling much more rested than he had in the past couple of days. The haze of sleep still lingering, listening to the calming noises of Liam making tea in the kitchen. No headache or dry throat and it took him a few blissful moments of wondering why he felt so good before that sinking feeling crept up. It wasn't as bad as it had been but it was still there. It was like an empty space in his chest that he had to fill with anything he could get to; alcohol, movies, music, people. It was when he stopped and let the quiet sink in that it really hurt. That he could feel it so intense that he almost doubled over and he cursed himself for missing someone that much.

He was more annoyed than anything, though, - at least that's what he tried telling himself, for letting Harry in too fast, for getting attached too soon.

He and Liam had spent the evening endlessly talking and then watching movies instead of filling the void with alcohol and it had worked almost as well.

"Hey, Lou, are you up?"

Louis stretched and stood up, pulling a pair of sweats on just as Liam opened the door.

"Hey, you're actually awake!"

"Yeah," Louis patted Liam's shoulder as he walked past him, filled for a moment with an intense love for his friends; Zayn and Niall constantly made him laugh even when he didn't want to and Liam had been there every morning making him breakfast and dragging him out of bed, "you made tea?"

"Yep, it's in the kitchen. It's early still for you but I've got to finish my run and then I've got a PT session with a client before my first lecture," Liam checked the time, "I'm teaching a rock climbing course this afternoon but should be done by seven, want to come around for a bit then?"

"Over-doing it as per usual, eh?" Louis picked up the cup that Liam had made for him and took a sip, "I barely function before nine and you're out, like, running marathons of like eight million kilometres."

Liam shrugged, "I only did seven this morning," he moved towards the door, "besides, this is my day off, apart from the lectures and some classes. There's cereal on the table and the milk in the fridge is fresh. You're coming over later, yeah?"

"Yeah," Louis nodded and hopped up on the kitchen counter, pulling his legs up to his chest and balanced the cup on his knee, "you seem really stressed."

Liam hesitated in the doorway for a second before he sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

"Dani's away for the weekend…"

"And you…" Louis gestured with the cup, "miss her?"

"No," Liam looked horrified at his own words, "I mean, yeah, of course I miss her! I miss her a lot!"

"Alright… but..?"

"But apparently we need to talk when she gets back."

"About?"

"I have no idea!" Liam threw his hands up in the air, "not even a hunch, I've been trying really hard and I have no clue!"

Louis rubbed at the sleep in his eyes; it was way too early to try to understand women.

"It's way too early to try to understand women."

"To be fair," Liam shrugged, "you've never understood women."

"True."

"And I just don't, -"

"I do understand you, though, Li. She's pushing you too hard, maybe you should try pushing back," he could see the protest on Liam's face, "maybe just a little. There are things you aren't happy about, maybe that's what she's sensing or whatever."

Liam sighed and walked over to Louis, let him curl against his chest in a one armed hug, "You know, when you're not cursing her and shouting at me you actually make sense."

"It's early," Louis smiled as Liam walked out of the kitchen, "I'll curse her later for you, if you want."

"Bye, Lou."

____

He managed to avoid any longer thoughts of Harry until about midday, after the rush of people and the cleaning and stock checking when the urge to have a cup of tea started to itch in the back of his head and he was reminded that he no longer had a kettle. That the one he'd had was broken into pieces and it was the same thought, over and over again; _why do you always make things out of nothing._

He was stood in the little kitchen boiling water in a pot on the cooker when his phone rang. He'd left it to charge for the first time last night and reluctantly walked over to it, peaking at the name before letting out the breath he'd been holding.

"Niall!"

"Zayn, actually. Is this Niall's phone I'm calling from?" He could hear Zayn moving on the other end, the squeak of the bed dipping, "I think I've got your phone, babe, help me look for mine?"

Niall's grumbling answer was loud enough for Louis to hear; "I intend to stay in this bed all day and in a second you'll be pinned under me. You don't need your phone, love." The over-sharing was enough to make Louis cringe and hearing Zayn's breath catch made him gag a little.

"So," he poured the boiling water into a cup, "did you actually call for a reason or just to let me know that you were going to shag all day? Congrats on that, by the way."

"Yeah, sorry, we wanted to check up on you," there was a rustling sound on the other end, muffled giggles, "maybe see if you wanted some company."

"That's very nice of you," Louis got the milk out of the fridge, "but I'm quite alright without the two of you fucking in front of me."

"We wouldn't… we're not gonna…" it was interrupted by a thump and more giggles and through the stinging pain and nagging jealousy Louis felt a spark of happiness for them. They deserved this and even though the company would distract him he didn't want to take the day away from them.

"It's alright, Zayn. I'm fine."

"Lou!" It was Niall's voice on the other end now, "we're gonna come by for a bit in a little while, love. You're alright for now, yeah?"

"Yes! Hang up! I don't think I want to hear whatever it is that makes you sound so rushed!" He hung up as he heard Niall giggle and put the phone on the counter, leaving it behind as he walked out in the empty shop again.

In the moments where he couldn't control his brain he could see Harry in front of him, sat on the sofa giggling at something he'd said or stood in front of the desk deep in thought as Louis had explained the meaning of different tattoos, slowly tracing them with soft fingertips.

He'd snap out and then get hit by memories of Harry curled up on a chair, vacant look taking over his whole being as he'd talked about his father and the job he'd be expected to do.

He'd get so lost in the memories that it often took someone walking in through the door to snap him out of it and every time that happened coming back to reality hurt so bad he just wanted to stay in his head. It felt like a part of him had been ripped off; phantom pain and cold anxiety.

He tried to rationalise, actively thinking about how short their relationship had been, how little they had shared but nothing seemed to help; this was as bad as it had been after Nick.

Nick hadn't made him feel ashamed of who he was or loved, but he'd made him feel like such a fool for ever believing or trusting anyone and he cursed himself for not remembering that most people are scum, most people don't care and if you trust them they stomp all over you, ripping you to pieces.

Everybody leaves.

____

"Hello, darling."

Louis slowly turned around at the familiar voice and in the two seconds it took he was pretty sure he went through all the curses he'd ever learnt, forcing a smile as he met the already disappointed eyes of his mother.

"Hi," he took a few steps forward and shuffled her up in an uncomfortable hug, stiffly pulling away and running his hand through his hair as he looked at her, "I don't remember you saying you would come here?"

"I was in the area." Jay eyed him and, "is that yet another tattoo?" was muttered before she stepped around him and sat down on the sofa.

"You live two hours away, mum."

"We missed you for Sunday dinner. The girls miss you," she looked up at him, "I'm mean honestly, darling, I know you say you're busy all the time but surely you could shut the shop for the day?"

Louis loved his sisters, he really did. He would take a bullet for them in a second, die for them without even having to think about it.

But they had their life over there. A family he'd never really felt a part of and stepping into that made him feel like such an outcast that it was only bearable when he was in a good place. When he was steady with both feet on the ground, not floating in this dream-state he'd been in the past couple of days.

"I can't just shut like that."

"It's your shop, isn't it?"

"Yes mom, but,-"

"We can drive back now, pick the girls up from school, surprise them. They miss you."

"I miss them too, but mom…-" He couldn't just leave now, he needed the money that staying open might bring, he needed time to prepare himself if he was to go with her.

It was always the same. It didn't matter that he tried calling his little sisters as often as possible, or that he took them out for the day when he could. Nothing was ever really enough and the guilt kept creeping in.

"That's fine, Louis, I can see that you're busy, " she pointedly looked around the empty shop and stood up, "I'll leave you to it, darling."

She was out the door before Louis had time to get another word out, leaving him stunned. People always said he got his dramatic side from his mother and he himself could see that today more than anything.

And even though she would normally stay for longer, this was a game they often played; she'd walk out and he'd have to hurry after her, telling her that family was more important than whatever it was she had interrupted but today was just not one of those days. He couldn't bring himself to it and instead turned his back to her lingering silhouette outside of the shop.

He'd deal with the disappointment of his mother when he had the energy for it, right now he needed something to distract his mind again and picked up the duster with a heavy sigh.

___

"Oh God, look at the state of you two!"

"What?" The smile on Niall's face was so big that Louis was worried his face was going to split in two.

"You look…" there weren't words. Niall's hair was messy and his cheeks flustered, he looked wrecked but in a happy way and Zayn looked even worse. His normally styled hair was a ruffled mess, strands of it falling over his forehead and the string of bruises on his shoulder were definitely finger-shaped.

"We brought you food," he shoved a brown bag in Louis' hands and settled down on the sofa.

"Yeah, and tea from the good place," Niall followed and left Louis standing with his hands full and mind a little hazed from being pulled back to reality. He'd started closing up, planning to go straight to Liam's from the shop, the thought of food not even crossing his mind until he had it in his hands and the smell made his stomach rumble.

"You didn’t have to do that," he put it all down on the counter and hopped up next to it.

"No, that's alright. We had to get out for a bit, I never realized how many times people knock on my door a day," Niall shrugged, "besides, we needed food. It's late, what are you even still doing here?"

He'd lost track of time as he had gotten too caught up in thoughts and had started cleaning through the entire shop to distract his mind, only stopping a moment ago when he realized that Liam would be expecting him soon.

"I was cleaning."

The look of sympathy on both their faces hit him right in the gut and he folded his arms over his chest.

"Still bad, then?" It was Zayn's soft voice and before he had time to react he was pulled down from the counter and swept up in Niall's arms.

He made a startled noise in the back of his throat first but then relaxed into the touch, the warmth and comfort of the two of them made his mind still and he let his head fall against Niall's shoulder.

"We really are just a phone call away whenever you need us, Lou." It was spoken with such honesty that it made his heart hurt a little and he briefly wondered what he'd done to deserve such good people in his life. He took a deep breath before he started slowly pulling away from Niall and;

"Oh my God, you smell like sex!" He scrunched his nose and stumbled a step back as Niall's booming laughter filled the air.

"Sorry, we did shower but then, -"

"Nope!" Louis wildly gestured for Niall to shut up and clamped his hands over his ears, "don't want to know!"

"So what are you doing for the rest of the night, Lou?" Zayn spoke loudly from behind the counter, fighting a smile, mid closing up and cashing out. They'd all helped him out in the shop enough times to know everything that needed to be done and he seemed to be working on auto pilot. Louis pointedly looked at Niall before he risked taking his hands down.

"Going over to Liam's in a bit," he couldn't stop the warm smile as Zayn walked over to put the money in the safe, "and after that I don't know, I might give you guys a call."

"Well if you need us," Zayn was walking towards Niall now, taking his outstretched hand, entwined fingers that made Louis want to look away, "just call, yeah? And eat your food before it gets cold!"

Niall hugged him again and Louis made a point of holding his breath and waved at them as they left, already giggling with wandering hands. He knew they weren't trying to rub it in, but it was hard seeing them so happy, at such ease with each other. It reminded him of all the things he didn't have and he couldn't stop the deep sigh that escaped him as he walked over to the little kitchen to switch everything off.

___

The black, curled up kitten purred as he stroked the soft fur. He'd never been much of a cat person so when it had jumped up in his lap the second he'd sat down on the sofa he'd been a little mortified. Twenty minutes later and he was comfortable enough to bop it on the nose and softly mumble to it.

It was harder like this, he wasn’t hungry, no headache he could focus on and no people rushing around him. The purring ball of fur was comforting and it made him want to curl up and wallow rather than distract his mind with other things. He'd felt so disconnected to everything the past week, like he was wandering around in a dream, waiting to wake up. It was numbing in a good way, nightmarish scary in another.

He knew that Liam would get home any minute, the phone call he'd gotten as he'd left the shop had been a very stressed one quickly explaining about how one of the kids he used to work with had showed up again and he just needed to make sure everything was alright.

The constant looking out for other people was something that made Louis' heart warm to Liam even more, but he knew it was also one of the things that made him and Danielle fight.

She wasn't a bad person, she just didn't like strangers in her house, especially kids from the community centre. Liam didn't see things that way; to him everyone was good, some people were just a bit lost.

Louis was somewhere in the middle; he wouldn't exactly let them in his home, but he didn't see them as lost causes. He always argued Liam's side when they got into it, though, seeing how much it mattered to him.

He knew Liam hadn't meant to start working with those kids, it had just happened to collide with his teaching and being the scattered person he was he had picked up a few shifts looking after them, never able to say no to new things, especially if it came with helping others.

He let out a breath when he heard the door open and Liam walked in, chucking his keys on the table.

"So were they alright, then? Who was it?"

Liam nodded and plumped down on the sofa next to Louis, "Yeah, they seemed good. It was Jamie," he made a dismissive gesture when Louis opened his mouth to ask, "I just wanted to check up because usually when he shows up it is because things are really bad again. But the bruises were from a fight in school and the reason they'd kept calling him was because he was grounded. They have my number now and we arranged to maybe meet up next week, they want to know as much about him as possible."

"That's good, though, innit?"

"Yeah."

"So why do you look so bummed?"

"Because," Liam scratched at his neck and stood up, started pacing the living room, "Danielle called as I was talking to them and now she's pissed."

"I thought women liked the whole good with children thing."

"It's complicated."

"Would probably be less complicated if he hadn't nicked her jewellery that time you let him stay here."

"Yep."

Louis bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from saying something that would end in a fight, "so what did she say?"

"That we'd talk when she gets back. Again."

"So she's proper pissed, then?"

"Yep."

"You ok?" Louis felt restless just looking at him.

"I'll be fine. I just…" Liam sat down next to Louis again, his leg bouncing up and down, restless.

"Do you think, maybe...?"

"I can't break up with her, Lou."

"I don't want to piss you off, but why?"

"Because…" Liam rubbed his hand over his face, "we have our whole life planned out, you know. And it's a good life as well."

"So it goes against your plan? That's why you can't let her leave?"

Liam shrugged, "it'd ruin her. And I love her. I used to love her so much," he got up again, paced the room once.

"Used to?"

"I need a run or something, do you mind? I just need to burn some energy off, clear my head. And maybe after that we can go out for a bit?"

"Yeah," Louis carefully manoeuvred the kitten off his lap and stood up, "no worries, I'll go home and shower and then we'll go down the pub," he met Liam's slightly hysteric eyes, "maybe we can call Nialler as well. You never go out, I'm sure he'd love to see that."

"Yeah, good," Liam was already pulling his shirt off, muscles rippling under his skin and Louis whistled and winked, earning an eye roll and a half-hearted smile, "I'll give you a ring when I'm done."

___

The plan had been to go straight home and shower but instead he'd found himself on the little path leading up to the place he'd taken Harry, his mind too scattered to be inside, he needed to move, to distract it and this was where he would usually go when he felt this way. He was determent to make it his place again, he'd had it for too long to be scared of the memories of Harry being there.

Just seeing Liam get so stressed today reminded him that he'd always faced his fears, he'd always met his problem head first and the avoiding he'd been doing this past week wasn't like him. He felt like he was slowly waking up from a long sleep, brain still a little fuzzy.

This was his favourite time of the day, when the sun was slowly setting and everything looked soft, soothing, and he'd figured that it would be making him happy but instead it made him feel lonely, not having anyone to share it with and again it hit him how utterly fucking ridiculous it was to feel this way.

The branches cracked under his feet as he took the last couple of steps out of the forest and he recognized the statue of the boy already stood right in his spot the second his eyes landed on him.

"I didn’t think you’d come here, I’m really sorry, I can go."

Harry’s tone was apologetic and he was stood with his back turned. It was the first time Louis had seen him since that night, it was also the first time he’d ever seen him dressed so casual and he cursed himself for wanting to curl up close, steal a bit of his heat. The hoodie was dark blue and a little big on him and he stayed with his back turned as Louis moved closer.

"It’s not like I own the place," he couldn’t stop himself, "actually, you probably do, or rather, your dad."

Harry’s shoulders slumped at that and he pulled his hood up, covering his curls and half his face as he slowly walked past Louis, keeping his head down.

Louis was determined not to look, to stay distanced, to not care. He'd come too far to fall back now, it shouldn't feel like this again, he shouldn't want to reach out this bad. He flexed his fingers as Harry was close enough to touch and tried to steel himself but couldn’t help a glance up last minute and;

"What the fuck is that?"

He grabbed Harry by the arm and pulled him to a stop.

"Why the fuck is your lip split?" without thinking he reached out to touch Harry’s face and his stomach turned as Harry twitched and shied away. It only slowed him down rather than stop him, though, and he reached up and pushed the hood down, angling Harry’s face to check for damage. His lip was split but healing, at least a couple of days old, the bruising almost gone.

That empty part that had been inside of him was flooded with rage and concern; it was one thing to try to stay away, another to stop caring and when he looked at Harry his heart ached, almost painful enough for him to double over.

Another glance and he could feel his insides turn to ice when it occurred to him that maybe Harry was wearing a hoodie to cover something else up and his hands travelled down Harry’s chest, pressing and watching his face for a reaction.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No."

"Don’t lie to me!"

"I’m not," Harry tried to grab his hands, "I’m not. Louis. Lou!"

Louis’ head snapped up and a weird sort of calm filled him when he looked into Harry’s eyes. They were stood so close and Harry's big hands were grasped around his, holding them to his chest, causing that itching that had been in the back of his head these past couple of days to ease up now that he knew he was ok.

Except he wasn’t.

Suddenly realising that he wasn’t the only one that had lost something that night made him feel sick with guilt for not picking up his phone, for not making sure he was alright. For trying so hard to forget the idea of Harry but managing to forget the actual person instead.

"Come home with me."

"What?" Harry looked stunned.

"Come home with me. I know we can’t date or whatever but I’d still like to be your friend,-"

"But I,-"

"-if you’d let me."

"I…"

Louis took a deep breath, suddenly terrified to lose him again; _"please."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do leave me a message or something if you liked it, or if you hated it for that matter. Any sort of response helps. Thanks for reading! xx


End file.
